Maurice Fonson has spent enough time being sad and is now ready to open the Fun chapter.

This became clear during our recent conversation about Fun, his forthcoming project that marks a lighter chapter for the songwriter and artist whose credits include Madonna, Jennifer Hudson, Leona Lewis and Sebastián Yatra.

Now, with “Sweet,” the first single from Fun, that change finally enters the world.

The song catches Maurice removed from the emotional weight that shaped much of his earlier music. Instead of dissecting heartbreak or revisiting what went wrong, “Sweet” lives inside the uncomplicated pleasure of being completely taken by someone.

The song, he explains, comes from that particular stage of infatuation when another person seems to become everything for a moment.

“I’m dating, I’m out here in these streets, and I just want to enjoy it,” he says. “It’s that feeling when somebody has you hooked and you almost don’t care. They’re just sweet.”

That lightness is the universe of Fun.

Maurice does not describe the project as an attempt to deny everything that came before it. His earlier music was deeply autobiographical, often shaped by heartbreak, uncertainty and the long process of letting go. Fun simply finds him somewhere else now.

He has healed enough to want pleasure back. No need to immediately turn attraction into something larger than it is.

For a few minutes, Maurice Fonson is simply allowing something to feel good.

And after years of writing through heartbreak, that may be the sweetest reinvention of all.

Studying at Xavier University of Louisiana, at nineteen, Maurice Fonson was in New Orleans, attending classes and doing all the things a student is supposed to do while trying to imagine what adulthood might eventually look like.

On Fridays, however, he would leave school and fly to New York.

Craigslist was still Craigslist, as he remembers it, and independent producers and artists would post jobs looking for writers and musicians. Maurice would arrive in the city, spend Saturday inside somebody’s smoke-filled studio writing hooks, go to the Village Underground on Sunday night to listen to singers at the open mic, then head straight to JFK.

The flight back left around five in the morning and chemistry class started at eight.

That was his routine for approximately two years.

Watch our full conversation on YouTube or continue reading the article.

He tells me there was barely any money in it, as he would spend whatever he earned on the flight ticket and a night in a hotel. Only his grandmother knew what Maurice was really doing. Someone, after all, needed to know where he was.

And what Maurice knew was that he wanted music badly enough to keep returning to New York every weekend.

“I had this ambition and this dream to be a massive singer, songwriter and performer,” he tells me on a Zoom call from New York at the end of July. “But I didn’t necessarily know how I was going to get there.”

We almost always like to arrange the past while telling stories about success once success has already happened, and every difficult decision begins to resemble foreshadowing. The airport floors, the missed flights, bad jobs, unpaid work, failed relationships and self-doubt become necessary characters in an origin story whose ending now seems obvious.

But life could never be neatly organised while it is happening.

Maurice’s career did not wait for him to understand himself though. There was heartbreak and fear. But there was also ambition.

Before the credits

Maurice remembers Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation tour as the first concert he attended at the age of seven or eight. There were difficult things happening inside his household, and music offered him an escape, another place to go to.

Curiosity led him to discover Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis as the people composing Janet’s hits and those of others of his favourite artists, and he recalls their work as foundational to the way he understood songwriting. Maurice later discovered artists such as Babyface and Diane Warren and became fascinated by writers who could evoke emotion through their craft.

The songs he heard as a child changed their essence as he grew older because life gave him the context he had not possessed at seven or eight. Lyrics carried meaning he could recognise from his experience.

“That’s what makes music universal,” he says. “We’re connected by experiences.”

It became a kind of blueprint of learning how someone’s private experience could leave one person’s life and somehow enter somebody else’s. Even as a young man, he knew he wanted to be famous, to sing, to write, and years later he would carry his experience into the songs he would write for himself and for others.

Writing yourself through somebody else

One of the more revealing moments in our conversation arrives when Maurice tells me about “Unlearn Me,” a song originally written as a demo for Leona Lewis that can still be heard on YouTube.

At the time, he was going through what he believed was the end of a difficult relationship. As he would discover soon, there would be more heartbreak to come.

He had reached the point where he wanted to somehow remove the relationship from himself—to unlearn the person, the love and the version of life they had built together.

So he wrote the song—for somebody else.

He tells me that writing for another artist can require imagination, but sometimes the artist arrives with a story and the session begins to resemble therapy as everybody tries to find the language for what that person is experiencing.

And sometimes Maurice’s own life entered the room. He shares he could place pieces of himself inside the music another artist might eventually sing.

Which makes us doubt if there is a significant distinction between Maurice Fonson, the songwriter, and Maurice Fonson, the artist. It turns out the credits might make those identities look separate, but his emotional life never really did.

“The things happening in my personal life will always seep into the music,” he says.

As the years passed, that life continued moving beside the career, into something quite familiar to all of us.

There were broken hearts. Jobs. Family problems. The pandemic. Relationships that would not end cleanly.

Earlier projects such as The X Files became places where he could further explore what had happened to him—what he had done, what other people had done, and what remained once a relationship was supposedly over.

Meanwhile, professionally, Maurice was already becoming the person his nineteen-year-old self had flown to New York hoping to become.

Success does not wait for certainty

Jennifer Hudson.

Leona Lewis.

Sebastián Yatra.

And now Madonna.

Names so impressive, a person would assume the story would look simple from the outside, even if it was not.

“If you had told me two years ago that I would have a song on a Madonna album, I would have said, ‘You’re crazy,’” Maurice says.

His work on “School” for Madonna’s Confessions II marks what he describes as another level in his career, one that has brought new attention to him. It might even come across as “overnight success,” but Maurice knows better.

“There were so many times when I wasn’t sure whether I was ever going to be seen,” he says.

Now the recognition is arriving, but he does not talk about it like someone who believes the work has finally been completed. He talks about levels and what is next, and about being thankful.

Maurice does not pretend to be indifferent to success. There is so much excitement that drives his engine. He tells me he would like to embark on a world tour, win a Grammy, write for Beyoncé, Rihanna and Usher.

Maurice also insists that underneath every accolade sits the same reason he was willing to spend almost everything he earned travelling between New Orleans and New York.

“This is still a piece of my soul,” he says.

The Fun version

When Maurice talks about his upcoming EP Fun, his face lights up and he is obviously happy and full of joy.

While much of his previous music had often come from heartbreak and introspection, that is not the space he wants to inhabit anymore.

“I’ve been sad long enough,” he says. “I’ve healed. This is the new version. This is the healed version of me.”

Fun began taking shape in early 2025, after some family difficulties and a broader reassessment of what Maurice wanted his life to contain after the pandemic.

He wanted to keep what made sense and what felt good, what did not sit quite so heavily on his spirit.

The title Fun sounds deliberately uncomplicated because, in some ways, it is. Maurice just wants to have fun. And he wants the listeners to have fun.

He describes the project as light, joyful and escapist—the world has not suddenly become light, but it never can.

“We’re living through a dark period,” he says.

But perhaps, for twenty minutes, music can allow us to remove the darkness and just enjoy the rhythm.

His first single from the project, “Sweet,” arrives on August 14, and carries that lighter Maurice into the world. He describes himself now as bubbly, easygoing, even “a lovable teddy bear,” and he shares the song lives inside the uncomplicated pleasure of being infatuated with somebody.

“The song is about being a little infatuated — that feeling of being so into somebody that you’re completely open. I feel like that right now. I’m dating, I’m out here in these streets, and I just want to enjoy it. It’s that feeling when somebody has you hooked and you almost don’t care. They’re just sweet. They’re everything in that moment.”

There are deeper moments across the project, and another EP is planned to explore more of what it took for him to arrive at Fun in the first place.

It is interesting sequencing—Maurice is giving us the joy before showing us what has built it.

The old skin does not disappear

The Wonder Mag’s August issue has been built around the idea of a Summer of Reinvention, and I asked Maurice whether reinvention means becoming somebody entirely new or removing versions of ourselves that no longer fit.

His answer resists the clean transformation. He says we carry the past with us.

“You can shed your skin and reinvent yourself,” he says, but whoever emerges still exists because of what came before.

The successful songwriter still remembers wondering whether anybody would ever see him. And the healed version still remembers heartbreak.

When I ask which version of himself he wants to leave behind, Maurice answers quickly.

“The scared version.”

I ask what still scares him.

“A lot of things.”

Maurice is learning not to beat himself up as relentlessly as he once did. He does not want the clouds permanently hanging over him anymore.

Time, however, remains one of the more difficult fears — “like an enemy in my head,” he says.

Sometimes he still believes certain things must happen immediately. If they do not, the mind can make the delay feel catastrophic.

It is difficult not to recognise something painfully contemporary in that feeling as we are all surrounded by public timelines or a stranger we see in our feeds talking about success without bringing any of the years that preceded it.

Maurice has lived long enough inside music to know that careers rarely move according to the timeline somebody imagined at nineteen. He is learning to believe something else now:

“What is mine will be mine in the time it is meant to be mine.”

He admits that accepting this is difficult, but perhaps that is why it matters.

There is no ceiling

When I ask what excites him most now, his answer is immediate.

“There are no limits. The sky is the limit,” he says. “There’s no ceiling.”

Two years ago, Madonna seemed impossible, and now their record sits on his résumé.

Maurice wants the Grammy and the global career. He wants the debut album he is already working toward. He wants to tour the world and move across genres.

There is something almost circular about hearing him say that, now that I know the story of the nineteen-year-old who kept travelling to New York without knowing exactly how any of it would happen.

That boy had ambition before certainty, while the Maurice speaking to me now has evidence.

It is not evidence that success finally turns you into a finished person, but evidence that a person can still be becoming while the life they wanted has already begun.

Our idea of success being the final and completed version of ourselves is not always true, and Maurice Fonson’s career suggests otherwise.

Sometimes the doors begin opening while you are still carrying heartbreak through them.

Recognition arrives while you are still afraid of time.

And sometimes, after years of turning pain into songs, reinvention can sound unexpectedly simple.

It can sound like allowing yourself to enjoy what has already arrived.

It can sound like Fun.

Picture it: you open Tinder and you see somebody bearing the particular facial features, hair, body and confidence that you fancy. In other words, the particular traits our culture has taught us to desire.

You swipe right, and almost immediately begin preparing yourself that you two will not match. Before they have rejected or accepted you, the hierarchy has already been established.

They are the person who gets to choose. You are the one waiting for confirmation whether you are worthy of a match or destined to disappear into the void with everyone else they have swiped left on.

This exact hierarchy was labeled as “Models and Mortals” in the second episode of the pilot season of Sex and the City.

The episode introduces the modelizer: a breed of man obsessed with women, much like the womanizer, but with the core distinction that the modelizer is obsessed not with any women, but with models.

To a modelizer, being chosen by a model becomes evidence that he must possess extraordinary qualities other men do not, because the title “model” is a symbol of access, achievement, status, and beauty—qualities that models presumably would not spend on just anybody.

Almost thirty years after that episode aired, in 2026, there are still modelizers, and maybe they are even more numerous, because if in 1998, they needed access to New York fashion parties and the women whose faces and bodies appeared in magazines, then nowadays, the modelizers need only a smartphone.

We are all models now

Professional models still occupy a glorified position in our culture, their faces still sell advertisements, and their bodies are still treated as properties of their agents and the public, at least partly.

But the distinction between models and mortals today has become significantly less stable as social media has made almost everyone pose for a version of themselves:

The pretty one.
The young one.
The cute one.
The smart one.
The ambitious one.

We choose how to present ourselves online through photos and different angles, posing at glamorous or recognizable locations, and we all feel the need to display our work, family life, and relationships as something that requires public validation.

Technically, we are all modelling ourselves.

Bulgarian designer and artist Stoyan Dimitrov describes social media as the modern equivalent of a corset, as he mentions in our interview, without even realising how accurate he has just described our new current.

“Social media determines how people see us,” he explains. “We build the structure of the corset there and shape the figure through which we want to present ourselves.”

According to him, that figure shall not be understood only as the body, because today, our partners are another part of the silhouette, too.

The partner is evidence

When we introduce our partner to other people, we rarely present only that person.

We also present the version of ourselves that exists beside our chosen ones, so they have to meet some criteria of course.

We want them to look good, to have beautiful hair, an attractive face, a well-maintained body, appealing style, and some other quality suggesting that this person could have chosen anybody.

And yet, they have chosen us.

Their desirability becomes evidence of ours.

If somebody beautiful has chosen us, perhaps we must be beautiful enough. If somebody interesting has stayed beside us, perhaps we must be interesting too. If the person appearing beside us in our photographs seems impressive, then perhaps their presence confirms the version of ourselves we want other people to see.

None of this means that attraction to beauty is shallow, not that every picture of a happy couple is a performance. Beauty is real, so is desire, and so is the pleasure of looking at somebody we love and believing they are extraordinary.

But the pursuit of perfection can become increasingly insatiable.

Stoyan describes it as an appetite that expands as soon as it is fed.

“When you take a bite and become satisfied,” he says, “you start looking for the next one—bigger, with more flavour and colour.”

So the partner becomes an upgrade.

One person completes and adds the final touches to the desired version of ourselves, and the potential future partner seems capable of completing an even more impressive version.

This may resemble reinvention, but when an identity is primarily built from the outside, the reinvention can never quite be complete.

The violence of feeling insufficient

In “Models and Mortals,” Miranda painfully discovers that intelligence, career success and ordinary attractiveness cannot compete with somebody chasing the status of a “model”, so in the modelizer’s eyes, Miranda is a mortal.

Today, this is still valid.

People who are not conventionally attractive may possess intelligence, sensitivity, humour, artistic ability and fascinating ways of understanding the world, yet never receive enough initial attention for those qualities to become visible.

Choosing a partner today, especially through dating apps, while we are still seeking the perfect match, could feel like being trapped in a cage built from first impressions.

For much of my life, I have been put in boxes, too—cute, sweet, sensitive, geek—and I am not saying that those words are cruel, they are true.

But they are incomplete.

Being perceived as “cute” does not mean I am not ambitious, nor does it erase my sexuality. Being described as sensitive can sometimes make my complexity sound fragile, even though I know it is not.

I cannot count the number of times I have wanted to say:

Yes, I am sweet. I am also smart, intelligent, difficult, artistic, hot, ambitious, and capable of holding a conversation that extends beyond the limits of:
“Do you have a place?”

Yet it seems our appearances arrive before we do, and they make it easy for people to sort our personalities into categories they find convenient to comprehend.

Within gay dating culture, what is generally considered desirable is the muscular body, the carefully maintained beard, and a specific performance of masculinity.

And there is me—a twink, bearing a moustache—looking at the kind of “gorgeous” man I described and assuming, before I have even swiped, that he would never choose me.

And just like that, I appoint myself the mortal.

The person on the cover

If the mortal fears that nobody will look, the model fears nobody will look beyond the label.

During her decade-long career, Vogue Ukraine cover star, Bulgarian supermodel Ivelina Choeva-Kadieva has learnt that the features one culture interprets as flaws may be precisely what another considers remarkable.

In certain pictures, she has noticed that she might appear slightly cross-eyed. In Bulgaria, she has encountered comments mocking that difference, but internationally, it became part of what made her face interesting enough to hire.

“They have given me work and paid me precisely because of that imperfection,” she told me in our conversation, “because somebody, somewhere, found it beautiful.”

That immediately complicates the idea of perfection, because beauty is not necessarily defined by correcting every slight asymmetry until a person resembles a culturally approved image. Sometimes beauty is defined exactly in the asymmetry, the small flaws, or the feature that prevents a face from becoming interchangeable.

But being recognised as beautiful creates another problem.

Choeva does not pretend beauty has never helped her. A striking or well-maintained person naturally receives attention, she says, and physical appearance can make certain doors easier to open.

Yet after completing her education in London and entering another professional field, she discovered that the same image that once granted access could also prevent people from taking her seriously.

She had been understood as a model, as beautiful, as a woman with long legs. When her work demanded another kind of competence, she had to convince people that the person behind the appearance could actually perform it.

“Almost all of these women have other qualities and interests beyond what is shown,” she says of models and influencers, remembering colleagues who studied medicine or spoke six languages while travelling and working.

Beauty can elevate and diminish a person simultaneously.

It attracts the gaze, but can narrow the terms under which someone is understood, and it turns out the image arrives before the human being and threatens to become the final verdict.

Even nakedness can become a costume

The episode’s darkest expression of the modelizer appears through Barkley, who secretly records his sexual encounters with models.

First of all, this act today would be scrutinised even more severely: the recordings are non-consensual and explicit, intimacy turns into a collection of trophies, and the women themselves become evidence of his worthiness.

Consensually sending an intimate image on a social media app is fundamentally different from recording somebody without their consent, but both exist within a visual culture in which even nakedness can become part of the performance of worth.

We send images hoping to prove that our bodies possess the correct forms, proportions or sexual characteristics. We present ourselves at our most physically exposed to strangers for rapid assessment and turn nudity into a costume when it is performed primarily to secure approval.

Being chosen does not cure the fear

I have dated men I considered extraordinarily attractive in entirely different ways.

One looked like a fashionable Apollo and was emotionally unavailable. Another was intellectually impressive as well as physically attractive and very pretty. Another had long hair, tattoos and a body unlike anybody I had dated before.

Before each of them chose me, I doubted that they ever could.

And even after they did, being chosen did not permanently remove the doubt.

This may be the modelizer’s most humiliating secret—you may have a beautiful partner beside you and still believe you are the mortal who somehow was granted access by mistake.

And today, we have become both model and modelizer

That realization made me stop.

For most of this piece, I had been wondering whether I had been the model or the mortal to the men I dated.

But I had not realized I had also been a modelizer. I was being evaluated, but I was evaluating, too.

The men I dated were all gorgeous, therefore, they were worthy of being chosen, and I was always very proud of walking beside them through the streets of Istanbul. I also particularly remember the pleasure of entering somewhere together noticing people turn their heads:

“We are getting noticed,” I would think and I would even hold my partner’s hand even tighter.

And there it is—I chose. My partners chose. I desired them partly because I found them desirable and their desirability sometimes made being chosen by them feel even more significant.

We swipe through people while knowing other people are swiping through us.

We curate ourselves on Instagram and dating apps, and we select photos, manufacture first impressions. So we are models.

We assess other people’s faces, careers, lifestyles, and status. So we are modelizers.

And everyone else is doing precisely the same thing to us. So everyone is both a model and a modelizer.

And suddenly, Sex and the City Season 1, Episode 2 begins to resemble an early version of a culture that swallowed almost all of us.

What happened privately between me and my former partners is now built into contemporary dating—everybody presents, everybody evaluates, and everybody wants to be chosen by somebody they themselves consider worth choosing.

Which translates into:

We’re all modelizers because we are casting.

We’re all models because we are auditioning.

When the corset comes off

Stoyan Dimitrov’s metaphor reaches its most revealing point when he imagines the moment after the corset has been removed.

Underneath it, the person is naked—the structure that shaped the body into a silhouette is no longer there.

“If the people in front of whom you have undressed accept you as you are,” he says, “then you never needed that corset.”

This may be the real challenge of connection in 2026.

Not whether we can attract somebody through the image, but whether we can survive being known after the image is gone.

Not whether somebody will display us proudly, but whether they can understand the qualities that cannot be photographed.

Not whether we can reinvent ourselves through the person beside us, but whether we know who we are when we stand alone.

The answer is not to deny beauty, attraction often begins with appearance.

The answer is to allow the gaze to become curiosity, and curiosity to become knowledge—something capable of complicating the first impression rather than merely confirming it.

Maybe the most radical reinvention is not becoming somebody the world would proudly display, nor becoming someone who always evaluates, nor continuing to live simultaneously as model and modelizer.

Maybe reinvention is becoming somebody who no longer needs another person’s beauty to prove that I deserve to be seen.

My first vivid memory of Whitney Houston is not of hearing her sing, I certainly had before, but of the day I learnt she would never sing again.

I was nine years old when Whitney Houston died in February 2012. The world had seemed to stop for a second, and nobody could process the news - Whitney Houston, dead at forty-eight. Families all over the globe were devastated, as if they were mourning a close friend or relative.

Mine was no different. My mother played only Whitney’s music for days after learning of her passing, as though the walls would hold the melody forever. And probably they do, now that I am thinking about it again.

It was the first time I remember witnessing the death of an artist feel almost like the death of somebody people actually knew.

At nine, of course, I could not understand the scale of what had been lost. I knew the songs, I knew the impact Whitney had on music, but I would have to grow older to begin understanding the woman behind all that.

Years later, during the lockdowns of 2020, I finally started listening to Whitney Houston properly, and I do not mean the inevitable greatest hits that everybody cherishes, but the albums, the performances, and her interviews. I was curious to get closer to her as much as I could.

Whitney had already been gone for eight years, and yet sitting in front of the television in the living room felt like discovering a new friend, someone I could obviously never meet, but someone whose way of talking about life could still reach mine.

Her 2009 conversation with Oprah Winfrey became a favorite of mine and at that time I watched it as a source of inspiration on how to close one chapter of your life, take the lessons, and move on. The image of Whitney returning after years of public speculation and criticism felt like evidence that somebody could fall apart publicly and still find the courage to stand in front of the world again.

Three years ago, while writing about what would have been Whitney Houston’s 60th birthday, I spoke with Larry Armstead II, associated with The Whitney Houston Platinum Club. He offered an interpretation of the Oprah interview that I still think about whenever I see footage of it online.

For him, Whitney’s conversation with Winfrey was an attempt to reclaim authorship over a life that, by then, had been interpreted by everybody else.

“I don’t think the purpose of the Oprah interview was to make anybody say: ‘Oh, poor Whitney, I feel so sorry for her.’ She wanted to own her truth, because for so long the media and the press had owned her truth. And she was like: ‘You know what? I’m going to take the power of it. I’m going to say that this is what happened to me. I was there. This is how it went down.’”

When the world owns your image

Whitney Houston’s career turned her into one of the defining voices of modern pop music, but her voice also created enormous expectations around what it was supposed to remain..

People remembered how it sounded when they first fell in love with her, and by the time Whitney embarked on what would become her last world tour—the Nothing But Love World Tour—there were discussions around the changes in the artist’s voice.

@erickjones783#whitneyhouston This is some of the vocal performances from nippys final tour in 2010 the hating media never showed, because there jealus hatrfull people, #stillgotit #thevoice

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Larry acknowledged that life choices had affected the instrument, but he also spoke about the extraordinary pressure Whitney had lived under. He did not forget to mention the physical strain of performing through personal hardship, and the sheer amount of herself she continued to give to audiences:

“Even towards the end, when she was struggling with having the most powerful vocals that she knew she was capable of, she still came out there, and she gave you everything she had. That is the epitome of Whitney: ‘I’m going to give you the best of me. You give me all of you, and I’ll give you all of me’, is what she would always say.’”

Today, I am looking at all of that through a different lens.

Why does the public continuously expect the people it adores to evolve while simultaneously demanding that the qualities it first loved remain untouched?

People live, and living inevitably changes them. Experience alters the conditions under which their gifts exist. Bodies change. Voices change. Or sometimes people simply age. Groundbreaking.

As a society, we have reached a moment where everyone is an expert in health, body image, productivity, vocal delivery, and the list could go on, and we publicly share our insulting opinions online, without taking into consideration that the people we are commenting on are human beings with feelings, too.

Suddenly evolution becomes decline. But a human voice is not a museum exhibit. Neither is a human being.

Whitney could not remain permanently in the times when the world first decided she was The Voice.

And perhaps part of the tragedy of being given such an enormous title is that every later version of yourself is compared with the person you were when you earned it.

The impossible comeback

@whitneyhouston#OnThisDay in 2009, Whitney made her final ever appearance at the Grammys. She walked onstage to a standing ovation. #whitney #whitneyhouston #fyp

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Whitney returned with the album I Look to You in 2009 after years of people repeatedly declaring her career was over.

Larry remembered the pattern clearly: people would count her out, insist she would never sing again, and Whitney would return anyway.

We love comeback stories because they allow us to believe that life can be repaired.

However, the public has turned comeback into an expectation or a demand that the artist returning will return unchanged, wanting to see the same body, face, confidence, and energy.

That is not a comeback, though. That is something resembling restoration, but human beings are not The Empire State Building standing tall above New York, unchanged by the passing of time.

When Whitney returned with I Look to You, she came back older, altered by experience, and she carried a voice that no longer sounded exactly as it had at twenty-two. That is precisely what made her return human and genuine.

Reinvention is not recreating a former self seamlessly, but allowing yourself to return while carrying what has led you to that reinvention and noting that the person returning is different from the person who left.

The woman behind The Voice

A nickname like The Voice is not given to everybody, but to a person whose identity and talent can carry it. Undoubtedly, that person is Whitney.

Carrying that nickname, however, can be a little dangerous, because the person possessing it is somehow reduced to it and to what she gives everybody else.

We look at artists as if they are required to be people who are unmistakably worthy of looking up to. Perhaps it is enough to take their art seriously without demanding that their private lives provide us with moral instruction.

Whitney was a voice.

She was also a woman whose interviews reveal her humour, stubbornness, faith, vulnerability, irritation, warmth and a desire to be understood beyond the mythology around her. That is fascinating.

Understanding her does not require approving every choice she made. The woman was more complicated than the title.

That is one reason Larry recalled the conviction with which she performed, her relationship with audiences, and the sense that, even when she was struggling, she continued to give everything she had.

The world heard extraordinary notes.

The person producing them had to live the life required to make them.

Those are not the same story.

The greatest love of all

@wearespotlight36 years ago ⏮ @Whitney Houston released ‘Greatest Love of All’ ❤️ #throwbacksongs #80smusic #80sthrowback #whitneyhouston #fyp

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There is a reason “The Greatest Love of All” became such an important piece of Whitney’s legacy.

Its message is about self-love, self-belief, and reaching the inner strength. Every listener, though, takes something slightly different from it.

Larry told me that the song took on an entirely different meaning after a devastating breakup. During that period, he began treating its central idea as work—going inward, rebuilding and learning how to rely on something inside yourself when external reassurance disappears.

What makes me reflect on what he said is that self-love here appears to be closer to a form of authorship in the decision that nobody else gets the final word on who you are.

Not a partner who left. Not an employer who rejected you. Not a journalist who wrote badly about you. Not the audience that fell in love with a previous version of you.

Not even the person you once believed you had to remain.

You decide what happens next. That does not mean the rest of the world stops talking.

Whitney certainly knew that.

Knowing your own strength

Another Whitney song became part of the language Larry used when we spoke in 2023: I Didn’t Know My Own Strength.

To him, Whitney’s life repeatedly demonstrated that people could collapse without permanently disappearing.

He described her as somebody whom the public repeatedly counted out and who continued finding ways to return.

In 2023, I perceived that primarily as a proof Whitney was resilient, but today I think Whitney had the strength to stop performing the version of herself everybody expected.

Larry imagined that, had Whitney lived, she might eventually have stepped away from the pop industry, perhaps she could have been singing gospel or jazz occasionally, perhaps simply singing at home, growing older without proving that she could still perform at the level the world demanded.

Nobody can know what Whitney Houston would have chosen, but there is something moving in the possibility of Whitney no longer having to fight for the right to remain Whitney Houston.

Just a woman allowed to live.

Whitney, at 63

Today Whitney Houston would have turned 63.

The obvious way to commemorate that date is to return to the voice. And of course we should.

The recordings remain extraordinary. The performances remain part of musical history. Generations who never experienced Whitney Houston in real time continue discovering what happened when she opened her mouth and sang, and perhaps they are discovering her from a better place, where they do not attach to her image what the tabloids were once writing.

But perhaps remembering her properly also requires remembering there was an actual person, not just the gift she left us.

There was always somebody underneath The Voice.

A woman who was celebrated, scrutinised, idealised, dismissed, welcomed back and repeatedly interpreted by strangers.

A woman who, at one of the most important moments of her later career, sat down and attempted to tell the story herself.

That is the Whitney I find myself thinking about each time I see something related to her.

Not just the woman who reinvented herself. The woman who tried to reclaim herself.

Perhaps that is the greatest love of all - learning that your life remains yours even after the world has developed its own version of it.

The world called Whitney Houston The Voice.

Maybe one of the most loving things we can do now is remember that she was always so much more than that.

Archival note

This essay revisits and reinterprets reporting first published in 2023 for Whitney Houston’s 60th birthday, including an interview with Larry Armstead II, associated with The Whitney Houston Platinum Club.

Had someone told me half a year ago that today I would be writing August’s Editor’s Letter for my own publication, The Wonder Mag, I would have thought they were kidding.

Instead, today, having just returned to Istanbul from my summer trip to Rome, there is nothing more natural to me than writing and interviewing again.

For years, I was convinced that my work as a journalist was over, and that I had to accept the fact that I had turned myself into a full-time language teacher who had moved cities in search of escape and relief from the environment that had shaped him.

None of this turned out to be true.

All it took for the exhausted teacher to return to his actual identity was therapy that had been long overdue, personal space in which he could breathe and think without the constant noise of the outside world, a library that would become his headquarters, and the confidence to recognise that now he carried far more life experience than he had imagined.

Today, I am writing this letter not as the exhausted teacher I was at the beginning of the year, nor as the editor I hope one day to become, but as living proof that change is possible.

Proof that you can take a chapter of your life you thought had been closed, turn it around, and realise that you can redefine its ending, and then create a new beginning.

That is where August begins for The Wonder Mag.

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Sure, there is a backlog from July and I was not pleased to “kill” beautiful features as I was putting August into shape, but there are moments in life when we shall learn not to regret everything that had not been done, but absorb and understand what the current situation is revealing.

Sometimes, it can reveal the strange recognition that a home can remain unchanged while the person entering it has shifted.

At other times, it reveals that the old life has stopped fitting, while the new one is not yet built.

So you keep building.

We enjoy picturing reinvention as something glamorous — glorious comebacks, transformations that prove we have changed, while having somehow preserved our core identity, but in reality, reinvention is often messy and it requires time.

This is where I find myself in August — the old life has begun to lose its grip, but the new one is still being defined.

Two weeks ago, I travelled to Rome for the first time and discovered myself walking through its streets, capturing in my mind every building, landmark, and small corner, and I felt I was breathing with ease while envisioning future possibilities.

I returned to Sofia for a week, where some old habits and family dynamics reminded me that nostalgia is real, but reinvention is never a clean escape from everything that came before.

And now I am back in Istanbul — the city where I learned independence and rebuilt my relationship with writing and publishing.

So this month, The Wonder Mag is looking at reinvention not as one of those dreamy before-and-after stories, but as a process that teaches us through its own uncertainties, strategies, and tiny bumps across the road.

August will begin by completing a conversation that started in July.

In “MODELIZERS,” we will return to the second episode of Sex and the City and examine what happens when attraction becomes part of social identity and the person beside us begins to function as proof of status or personal worth. The feature brings together ideas that emerged during my recent conversations with Bulgarian model, Ivelina Choeva, and Bulgarian fashion designer, Stoyan Dimitrov, binding their points of view and asking what we borrow from the people we crave — and what image we attempt to create for ourselves through them.

We will revisit the work and legacy of WHITNEY HOUSTON around her heavenly birthday, as I introduce you to an interview from my archives, looking again at her extraordinary achievements and at why certain artists never stay in the past, but continue to inspire.

On MADONNA’S BIRTHDAY, we will look at the woman who continues to redefine pop music and has turned reinvention into a work of art.

This issue will also include a major international interview with songwriter and artist MAURICE FONSON, one of the writers of “School” on Madonna’s new album Confessions II. We spoke about his extraordinary career, songwriting, ambition, his forthcoming EP “Fun” set to be released on August 28, and the person behind the professional credits.

Later in the month, EVAN HOLOVATSKYI, an international coach specialising in voice design, public speaking, and personal image, will speak about one of the most intimate forms of reinvention - changing the way the world hears us. Our voices reveal age, confidence—or the lack of it—and authority before we have finished the sentence. Is it possible for a person to reinvent their voice without pretending to be someone else? And can learning to sound more powerful change the way we perceive ourselves?

There will also be a new essay about ARIANA GRANDE, public scrutiny and the strange entitlement audiences feel towards women’s bodies, health and visibility. Here, the question is no longer simply how a famous woman reinvents herself, but whether disappearing from view may become the most radical reinvention on the table.

And finally, the month will conclude with an essay about Amy Odell’s beautifully written biography of ANNA WINTOUR, which accompanied me through my own period of rebuilding and reclaiming.

All of these stories ask different versions of the same question:

What happens when the identity that brought us here can no longer carry us forward?

We can never know what tomorrow will bring, but maybe, just maybe, reinvention does not require complete certainty.

Perhaps it requires us to enter the uncomfortable space between what has ended and what has not begun yet — and to start creating from there.

Welcome to The Summer of Reinvention!

Ivan Ssavsski
Founder and Editor-in-Chief
The Wonder Mag

As we are catching up on the latest events in our lives and talking about some trends we have seen recently, Bulgarian designer Stoyan Dimitrov begins what will become our interview with an undressing before I have even asked a single question.

“When you take off the corset, you are left naked,” he says, as if it were the most common way to start a conversation about anything, whether it is a garment, a body, or a life. He tells me that social media is the corset now. We shape ourselves inside it, we allow it to hold us in the form we would like to be seen in, and underneath it we are exactly as naked as we always were.

It is a strange thing to hear from a man who has spent twenty-five years building structure into fabric for a living.

As a child of the 1970s, Stoyan found himself in a Bulgarian classroom in a subject called Practical Training, and while the other boys were sent toward woodworking and mechanics, Stoyan found textiles as the one station that did not frighten him. Soon his grandmother’s fabrics — the bolts she had kept from weddings and christenings (a way earlier generations stockpiled cloth) — were sacrificed to Stoyan’s first attempts at sewing.

He could not have known back then that this passion would turn into his path, but he knew it was interesting, which, for a child, is sometimes the same thing.

By the time he realized it mattered, he knew exactly what he wanted, and what he was willing to do to get it. Told by his family to keep his options open and study something practical alongside design, he sat the entrance mathematics exam knowing perfectly well he would do badly.

“I pretended I was practising mathematics, pretended I was studying, and pretended I understood,” he tells me, still showing a faint pride in his own younger nerve. The drawing exam — the one that actually mattered — was easy to pass. He was accepted third out of six boys in the whole region of Stara Zagora. And just like that, a door opened onto a road he has been walking ever since.

It is interesting to witness how a boy who sabotaged his own test scores to secure a particular future, decades later, describes an entire generation’s self-presentation as a corset we have built and cannot easily unlace.

Before it was anything else, the corset was simply a technology of taking a body and insisting it become a different shape than the one it arrived in. Stoyan does not romanticize this. Fashion, he says plainly, has always crossed the line between aesthetics and cruelty, and it crosses it often on women’s bodies in particular, because womenswear has always allowed for more dramatic transformation than men’s ever has.

He points me toward the Met Gala as he shares that he is “convinced they feel extremely uncomfortable in what they are wearing,” talking about the smiling, photographed bodies on that carpet. “Nevertheless, the point is the presentation.”

He is careful, though, to say the old rigid arithmetic — the 90-60-90 measurements that once defined what a body had to be to count as fashionable — has loosened globally, even if unevenly. Runways and campaigns increasingly hold space for bodies that would once have been rejected outright, mentioning examples of different ages, ethnicities, and shapes.

“Those old limitations no longer apply in the same way,” he tells me — the same sentence that Bulgarian supermodel Ivelina Choeva reached for when she talked about the industry that hired her precisely for the asymmetry Bulgaria once called ugly. Two people arrive independently at the same observation, that the rules are real, but they are not as fixed as the people inside them once believed.

Except — and here his voice changes — the newly-found liberation from standards does not arrive everywhere at the same speed. Eastern Europe, he says without much softening, remains “a slave to idealisation.” Filtered faces, corrected lips, a culture still fluent in the language of what can we fix. He does not exempt Bulgaria from this, and when I mention what I have noticed in Istanbul — the same appetite for sculpted, corrected, idealized bodies — he does not seem surprised. It is a shared inheritance, he suggests, not a coincidence.

The West, he believes, is drifting back toward the natural and the authentically imperfect. Eastern Europe, according to what he has observed, is still catching up — sometimes five years behind, sometimes more. Whether or not the timeline is exactly right, the diagnosis he makes is that “appearance matters to us far more than substance. We sell ourselves more through appearance than through knowledge.”

This is the part of the conversation Stoyan has clearly thought about before I ever asked. Social media, he tells me, has simply replaced the literal garment as the thing that shapes how a body — or a life — gets seen. “It is the foundation of the corset,” he says.

“From that point, the colour is added.” Everything else — the caption, the angle, the story we tell about ourselves online — is just detail laid over a structure we have already agreed to wear.

What is striking me is how little judgment he brings to this, because he does not frame the impulse to curate as vanity or dishonesty. Instead, he says that it seems closer to an old habit fashion has always understood, but is now practised by everyone instead of a professional few: “Anyone can create a different image of themselves and invent a story in order to conceal the truth.”

He does, however, draw one distinction that matters — the difference between how someone sees us and how we have chosen to present ourselves to be seen. The first is out of our hands. The second — the corset itself — is a decision, made and remade daily, about which version of the truth to put forward. “How they choose to see us after that is their decision,” he says, almost releasing the audience from responsibility for a costume he acknowledges he built himself.

There is a version of Stoyan that has nothing to do with a brand, a Met Gala, or a corset trending under someone else’s feed. It shows up when he paints — and when I ask about it, something in his voice shifts. “Perhaps I am saying it in this way for the first time,” he tells me, and then admits that he paints mostly in difficult states — heavy ones, the kind that do not always announce themselves as sad until he is already halfway through the canvas.

Behind him, out of frame for most of our conversation, hangs The Three Graces — three women caught in a pose he describes as unnatural, tense, and deliberately uncomfortable. He wanted the viewer to feel what the bodies on the canvas feel. He never finishes a painting all the way, he says he leaves it just short of resolved, because resolution would mean the emotion had nowhere left to go. And he almost never paints a full face. An eye. Part of a mouth. A suggestion of a person, never the whole of one. “That is why my paintings often contain an eye or part of a face, but never the complete face. There is mystery in it.”

It is a private, inverted version of everything the corset conversation was about. Online, in fashion, in front of a camera, he has spent a career helping people build the structure that lets them be seen the way they choose. On canvas, alone, he does the opposite as he studies someone until he understands what is underneath their own presentation, and paints that.

Which brings the conversation, inevitably, back to where it started — to the line he offered before I had asked anything at all. “When you undress as a person and show yourself as you are, you are left naked.” The corset comes off. What is underneath was always there, waiting on the other side of the shaping. “If the people before whom you have undressed accept you as you are,” he says, “then you do not need that corset. It was unnecessary to create such an image of yourself.”

It is a generous theory of exposure — that the risk of being seen without the structure is outweighed by what is on the other side of it, if you are brave enough, or simply tired enough, to take the corset off in front of the right people.

Корсетът някога е бил скрит под дрехата. Стягал е тялото, променял е силуета и го е приближавал към представата на съответната епоха за съвършенство.

Днес корсетът отново е видим. Носи се върху тениски и ризи, появява се на червения килим, в музикалните видеоклипове и в ежедневния стил. Но съществува и друга негова версия — невидима, дигитална и значително по-трудна за сваляне.

Това е образът, който изграждаме в социалните мрежи.

В него подбираме снимките, ъглите, телата, дрехите, местата и историите, чрез които искаме да бъдем видяни. Оформяме не само външността, но и представата за начина си на живот, социалния си статус и възможностите си. Ако старият корсет е държал тялото в определен силует, новият държи публичната ни самоличност.

Стоян Димитров познава и двете страни на образа. От близо 25 години той работи като моден дизайнер, а извън модата рисува тела, лица и фигури, които често оставя умишлено незавършени. В професионалната си работа за AVIN Boutique следва разпознаваема линия, a в изкуството търси онова, което остава извън нея.

Разговаряме за първите му опити с платовете на баба си, за двойката по математика, която получава съвсем умишлено, за повторенията в модата, телата, които индустрията вижда и пропуска, естествената красота, Сексът и градът, modelizers, самотата зад публичния образ и корсета като новото бижу.

Но най-вече разговаряме за това какво се случва, когато най-накрая го свалим.

Разговорът е редактиран и съкратен за яснота и дължина.

Гледайте целия видеоразговор

В пълния разговор за The Wonder Mag Стоян Димитров говори за модата, красотата, корсетите, социалните мрежи, изкуството и онова, което остава, когато свалим филтрите.

Дрехата като език

Кога разбра, че модата е езикът, чрез който искаш да говориш?

Обикновено хората казват, че нещо е станало случайно, но истината е, че при мен нищо не беше случайно.

Аз съм от поколението на 70-те години. Когато бяхме в пети, шести и седми клас, имахме часове по трудово обучение с няколко различни специалности. Едната беше текстил. Тогава разбрах, че това ме вълнува.

Всички останали неща — механика, техника, дърводелство — не ме интересуваха. Даже малко ме плашеха. При текстила беше различно. Не осъзнавах, че това ще бъде пътят ми, и не го планирах като професия, но ми беше страшно интересно.

Тогава започнах и да унищожавам платовете на баба ми. Тя имаше много материали, останали от сватби, кръщенета и други семейни събирания. По онова време хората са подарявали платове, защото не е имало толкова магазини, и те са се съхранявали с години. С тях направих първите си опити.

Три-четири години по-късно вече знаех, че това ще бъде моят път и че искам да уча точно това.

И тогава съвсем умишлено си изкарваш двойка по математика?

Да. Правех се, че се упражнявам, че уча и че разбирам математика. Отидох на изпита и знаех, че няма да направя кой знае какво. Не беше точно двойка, беше 2,50, но то е почти същото.

Изобщо не ме притесни. След изпита по рисуване бях абсолютно щастлив, защото знаех, че оценката ще ми бъде достатъчна, за да вляза в специалността, която исках — конструиране и моделиране на облекло в Стара Загора.

Бях приет на трето място. В специалността приемаха само шест момчета от цялата Старозагорска област и двадесет момичета. Чувствах се адски щастлив, защото бях постигнал целта си.

Оттам нататък пътят сякаш тръгна сам. Отвори се вратата и аз продължих по пътеката, по която вървя и до днес.

Как започна професионалният ти път?

В началото на 2000-те влязох в магазин, защото търсех плат. Там се запознах със собственичката на модния бранд AVIN, в който по-късно започнах работа. Заговорихме се — откъде познавам материите, какво разбирам от тях и какво уча.

По същото време те организираха национален конкурс „Млад дизайнер“. За онази година кандидатите вече бяха избрани и си казах, че ще участвам следващата.

Мина една година и почти по същото време отново се оказах в Стара Загора. Разбрах, че конкурсът е започнал, включих се и спечелих награда. Трябваше да създадем няколко модела, а част от участниците получиха възможност да направят още, за да се оформи малка колекция.

Точно тогава трябваше да вляза в казармата и цялата церемония се проведе без мен. Чух по телефона, че съм спечелил, и бях изключително щастлив.

След като се уволних, направихме среща и се разбрахме, че сме един за друг. Така вече близо 25 години съм част от този екип.

Защо модата винаги се връща

Когато погледнеш работата си сега, виждаш ли теми и силуети, които се повтарят?

Повторяемост има и тя е неизбежна. Още когато учех дизайн, говорехме за повтарянето на определени силуети, линии, цветове и тенденции.

След толкова години работа разбирам, че модата наистина се движи на цикли. Всичко обаче преминава през призмата на настоящето. Когато нещо, което познавам от моето време, се появи отново, материите вече са други. Височината на талията, кройката, структурата и начинът, по който се носи дрехата, също са различни.

Но винаги има препратка към миналото — независимо дали към нещо отпреди десет, двадесет или повече години.

В крайна сметка дрехите вече са измислени. Имаме панталон, пола, риза, палто. Не можеш да създадеш напълно ново наименование на дреха, но можеш да направиш нова конструкция, да добавиш елемент, да смесиш стилове.

Можеш да вкараш нещо от бельото в ежедневното облекло или елемент от връхната дреха в спортния стил. Неща, които на пръв поглед изглеждат несъвместими, могат да бъдат пречупени през погледа на дизайнера и да станат приложими.

Днес има огромна свобода в начина, по който смесваме дрехи и изграждаме личния си стил. Преди стиловете са били налагани по-категорично от определен дизайнер, марка или епоха. Сега можеш да съчетаеш препратка към хипи или рейв модата с голямата класика и със спортния стил.

Въпросът е всичко да бъде добре смесено и добре поднесено.

Тялото, материята и силуетът

Когато започваш една дреха, кое идва първо — тялото, материята, силуетът или движението?

Много е относително. Когато работиш за бранд, понякога водещ е моделът, който ще представи конкретната колекция. Тогава създаваш дрехата спрямо него.

Моделът трябва да предаде настроението и усещането на дрехата. Трябва да се създаде химия между човека, който я носи, дизайна и екипа, за да бъде моделът представен добре.

В други моменти водеща е материята. Понякога вдъхновението идва от определен десен и той поставя началото на цялата колекция. Може да се превърне в централния елемент на линията.

Затова не мога да кажа, че едно нещо винаги е по-важно от друго. Всичко зависи от конкретната колекция и от историята, която искаме да разкажем.

Каква е функцията на дрехата за тялото — да го разкрива, да го защитава или да го трансформира?

Зависи за кой период говорим. Когато дрехите са били създавани първоначално, тяхната функция е била да защитават, предпазват и прикриват.

В днешно време функцията на дрехата е да ни представя.

Макар да звучи тривиално, по дрехите посрещат. Когато се запознаваме с някого, първото, което виждаме, е начинът, по който изглежда. Разбира се, не трябва да бъдем повърхностни и да изграждаме цялата си представа само от това. Следват разговорът и комуникацията.

Но живеем в динамично време, в което всичко трябва да се случи сега, ако може — още вчера. Интервюта за работа, презентации и различни събития са свързани с начина, по който изглеждаме, и с това какво казва външният ни вид на хората отсреща.

Дрехата ни представя. Значение има какво ще изберем и как ще го носим. Това е свързано и с настроението, темперамента, амбицията и енергията ни. Всички тези неща оформят цялостния образ.

Кои са първите елементи, които забелязваш в облеклото на един човек?

Никога не съм се замислял дали обръщам внимание на конкретен елемент. По-скоро забелязвам цялостното излъчване.

Не е важно само дали са съчетани правилно цветовете, блузата, панталонът, полата или роклята. Важно е как човекът се представя пред мен, както и аз се представям пред него.

Всеки има моменти, в които не е в най-добрата си форма. Но дори тогава дрехата може да помогне да прикрие спад в настроението или кондицията.

Казват, че малката черна рокля решава всичко. Решава го — ако знаеш коя малка черна рокля да избереш и с какво да я съчетаеш.

Но за мен най-важно остава излъчването.

Кое тяло вижда модата

Има ли тяло, което модата все още предпочита, и такова, което продължава да игнорира?

В глобален мащаб вече няма толкова строги ограничения. В рекламата, телевизията, киното, музиката и модния бизнес виждаме много по-различни фигури.

Появяват се хора на различна възраст, с различни форми, цвят на кожата, етнос и пол. Не се търси единствено онзи стар, познат и строго определен тип тяло с мерки 90–60–90.

От друга страна, тук, в Източна Европа и конкретно в България, все още робуваме на известна идеализация на образа. Тя се поддържа и от различните приложения, които използваме.

Питаме се коя снимка е най-подходяща, защо устните ни не са по-сочни, защо бюстът не е по-голям, а при мъжете — защо тялото не е достатъчно оформено.

Приложенията ни дават възможност да постигнем тази идеалност и вече почти всеки ги управлява толкова лесно, колкото управлява автомобила си.

В България постепенно се отдалечаваме от това, но все още вярваме много силно в живота, който представяме в социалните мрежи.

Виждаш ли завръщане към по-естествената красота?

Да. Най-лесно може да се забележи в рекламите. Все по-често те поставят акцент върху естественото — без големи корекции, без непременно да се търси идеалната фигура или съвършеното лице, понякога дори без грим.

До България тези неща често достигат една, две, три или пет години по-късно.

Тук все още живее спокойно мисленето как да станем по-съвършени и какво още да коригираме. Външният вид често ни е по-важен от стойността, която носим. Продаваме се повече като външност, отколкото като знания.

Но вярвам в новото поколение. За много от младите хора е важно да бъдат истински и да бъдат това, което са. Напомнят ми на моето поколение — поколение на бунтари, но в добрия смисъл на думата. Хора, които искат да преследват целите си и да постигат амбициите си, без да пречат на другите.

Когато красотата се превърне в статус

Когато днес търсим партньор, търсим ли и определена идея за физическо съвършенство?

Ако говорим за България, идеалната фигура и идеалният човек продължават да бъдат много важни. Има завръщане към нормалността и към по-чистото, но е в по-малък процент.

Повечето хора продължават да гледат перфектната фигура, тена, косата, ръцете, социалния статус и възможностите. Ако притежаваш всичко това, се превръщаш в „идеалната хапка“.

Проблемът е, че когато отхапеш от тази хапка, след време вече искаш по-голяма — човек с повече възможности, повече дадености и по-висок статус.

Така започваш да се състезаваш със самия себе си и да търсиш нещо все по-измислено. Накрая може да стигнеш до момент, в който нищо вече не ти е интересно.

Във втория епизод на Сексът и градът се появява думата „modelizer“ — мъж, който преследва модели не непременно заради самите жени, а заради статуса, който образът им му дава. Продължават ли красивите хора да бъдат третирани като обекти?

Да, и това няма скоро да приключи. Но не се отнася само до мъже, които преследват красиви жени. Има и мъже, които търсят идеална партньорка, която да им осигурява всичко необходимо, докато те просто бъдат красиви до нея. Има и жени, които търсят същото чрез партньора си.

Тези модели продължават да живеят в България.

Когато някой вече е вкусил от този начин на живот и е превърнал определени неща в свои ценности, много трудно се връща към по-нормален ритъм.

Но може да дойде момент на недостиг — на емоции, любов, отношение и разбиране. Тогава животът дава голямата плесница и човек може би разбира как не трябва да живее.

Зад красивия и публичен образ много често има и страшно много самота. На тези хора им се диктува къде да се усмихнат, как да изглеждат, какво да направят и дори какво не могат да ядат, защото веднага ще се заговори за тях.

Затова понякога най-простите неща са най-необходими — някой просто да бъде до теб, една прегръдка или малка разходка. Тези моменти показват, че човекът не се е изгубил напълно, въпреки че му се налага да живее и работи в друг свят.

Модата и контролът над тялото

Къде е границата между естетиката и това да бъдем груби към тялото?

Тази граница понякога се прекрачва.

Създават се силуети, които са изключително неудобни, но са актуални. Това се случва най-често при жените, защото при дамската мода трансформациите могат да бъдат много по-големи.

Met Gala е сцена, на която можем да видим неудобството на модата в крайна форма. Наблюдаваме усмихнати и популярни личности, но съм убеден, че дълбоко в себе си много от тях изпитват сериозен дискомфорт от това, което носят.

Идеята обаче е представянето на тоалета. Колкото и да е неудобен, той трябва да бъде показан.

В последно време забелязвам и завръщане към елегантността — изчистване на пошлото и прекалено помпозното. Това е чудесно. По-добре човек да привлича внимание с елегантност, отколкото с нелепия си външен вид.

Помагат и персоналните стилисти — хора, които могат да насочат обикновения човек към неговия собствен стил. Когато намериш начин на обличане, в който се чувстваш комфортно, повдигаш глава и ставаш по-уверен.

Корсетът през 2026

Корсетите отново са навсякъде — под дрехите, върху тях, на червения килим и в ежедневния стил. Как гледаш на завръщането им?

Корсетът някога е бил бельо, което оформя фигурата под дрехата. Изкарването му на преден план днес е напълно нормално и не е нещо съвсем ново.

Извайването на фигурата може да бъде част от артистичността на определена личност. Виждаме го в музикалния и в модния свят. В ежедневието не присъства в същата степен, но вече съвсем спокойно може да бъде част от него.

За специални поводи корсетите се появяват във всевъзможни форми. За мен корсетът е новото бижу. Ако преди години акцентът е бил върху колиета, обеци и часовници, днес корсетът може да изпълнява тази функция.

Има и мъжки корсети, които придават по-екстравагантна визия.

Аз съм много „за“ корсетите. Те могат да подчертаят форма и да променят структурата и настроението на друга дреха. Корсет върху тениска или риза може да стои страхотно.

Можеш да приключиш работа с овърсайз риза и много бързо да промениш цялата си визия за вечерта, без да сменяш целия тоалет. Добавяш корсет и вече имаш парти визия.

Мисля, че ще продължим да ги виждаме и през 2027 година.

Ако корсетът някога е оформял физическото тяло, кой е неговият еквивалент през 2026?

Това е комбинация от социалните мрежи, филтрите и процедурите, но основното са социалните мрежи.

Много често си изграждаме представа за човека отсреща според това, което публикува. Правим бърза характеристика на социалния му статус, начина му на живот и възможностите му.

За мен социалните мрежи са основата на съвременния корсет.

След това идват цветовете и различните елементи — начинът, по който комуникираме и представяме себе си. Всеки може да създаде различна версия на своята история и да прикрие част от истината.

В социалните мрежи изграждаме структурата на корсета и оформяме фигурата, чрез която искаме да се представим. Не става въпрос само за това как другите искат да ни видят, а как ние искаме да бъдем видени.

Какво се случва, когато свалим този корсет?

Когато свалиш корсета, оставаш гол.

Под физическия корсет тялото е голо. Същото се случва и със социалните мрежи. Когато се разсъблечеш като личност и разкажеш какъв си в действителност, оставаш гол пред другия.

И ако хората, пред които си се разкрил, те приемат такъв, какъвто си, значи не си имал нужда от корсета. Било е излишно да изграждаш различна представа за себе си.

Камерата, дрехата и желанието

Когато тялото се гледа през камерата, кой има най-голямата власт — дизайнерът, моделът, клиентът, публиката или самата камера?

До известна степен отново стигаме до въпроса как ще бъдем погледнати отсреща. Това прави камерата много важна.

Говоря от личния си опит като дизайнер — онова, което искам да създам, невинаги ще бъде възприето по начина, по който съм си го представял.

Когато казваме „камерата“, всъщност поставяме зад нея хората. Те решават как ще разберат това, което съм направил. Те определят кое е голо, кое е вулгарно и кое е приемливо.

Какво прави една модна снимка успешна?

Много важна е симбиозата между модела, снимачния екип, дизайнера, стилиста и локацията. Всички елементи трябва да заработят заедно.

Кадърът трябва да бъде въздействащ. Трябва да ти говори, да те привлича или да те съблазнява.

Грубо казано, сексът продава. Но не става дума за буквалния сексуален акт. Става дума за апетитното излъчване и онова хищно привличане, чрез което снимката те кара да пожелаеш нещо.

Много често клиентът иска да бъде човекът, когото вижда на снимката. Вярва, че дрехата ще стои по същия начин и на него.

И колкото повече вярваш, че една дреха може да ти стои така, както на модела, толкова повече започваш да се трансформираш психически и емоционално.

Не е нужно да правиш корекции, за да изглеждаш като момичето на снимката, или да променяш цвета на косата си. Нужно е нагласата ти да се промени и да достигнеш нивото, на което искаш да бъдеш.

Това може да бъде надграждане на личността — стига да е в нормални граници, да не надскачаш себе си и да не се превръщаш в арогантен човек.

Тялото в изкуството

Освен моден дизайнер, ти си и артист. Как изобразяваш тялото в своето изкуство?

Много често рисувам образи и части от тела.

Имам картина с три женски фигури - “Трите грации”, които стоят в неестествени и неудобни пози. Исках зрителят да остане под напрежение и да почувства тяхното неудобство върху платното.

В други картини търся прикритата еротика — силует, фигура или детайл, който загатва определени форми. Често присъства око или част от лице, но почти никога цялото лице.

Загадката е важна.

Винаги стигам до момент, в който сякаш картината е почти завършена, но нарочно я оставям така. Ако я завърша докрай, ще съм приключил с нея и няма да имам следващата емоция. А на мен ми трябва следващата емоция.

Оставям пространство, в което зрителят или човекът, който притежава картината, да потърси себе си. Да поиска да разбере къде е краят и какво стои зад изображението.

Трудно ми е да обяснявам картините си, защото ги рисувам в емоционално състояние, а не по задание или предварително изготвен план.

Когато работя по поръчка, първо разговарям дълго с клиента. Опитвам се да усетя неговото настроение, живота му, преживяното и онова, което иска да му се случи в бъдеще.

След като го опозная, сядам да рисувам. В известен смисъл съм го разголил — но само аз знам каква голота съм видял и пресъздал.

Може ли изкуството да ни помогне да приемем телата си, вместо постоянно да ги възприемаме като проект за поправяне?

Може. Но от разговорите си с други колеги съм стигнал до мисълта, че ние, хората на изкуството, често сме хора с ниско самочувствие. Крием се зад това, което творим, и търсим себе си в произведенията.

Много често изобразяваме нещо, което обичаме, или онова, което първо забелязваме в другите.

При мен често това са очите, лицето или изражението на жена. Картините ми нерядко са тежки и тъжни.

Може би за първи път признавам толкова директно, че рисувам в трудни състояния — когато преживявам нещо много лично и ценно. Не е задължително да е загуба. Понякога може да бъде нещо красиво, което ме е впечатлило, но аз преживявам и тъжната му страна. Всяко нещо има две страни.

Хората на изкуството се разсъбличаме и разкриваме чрез музиката, картините, поезията, книгите и актьорската игра.

Имаме много личности в себе си и всяка от тях се опитва да излезе на преден план. За себе си мога да кажа, че чрез рисуването човек най-лесно може да разбере какъв съм по душа и какво живее в мен.

В модата има правила и филтри, които са необходими. Те оформят линията на бранда. Изкуството е мястото, където човек може да ме види без тези филтри.

Красотата няма възраст

Какво представлява красотата за теб и променя ли се възприятието ни към нея с възрастта?

Днес има изкривяване във възприемането на красотата. Говорихме за корекциите и за това как някои хора с много сериозни промени по себе си вярват, че са постигнали абсолютната красота. Това е тяхно право, но реалността невинаги е точно такава.

Красотата се намира в излъчването.

Колкото по-уверен е човек, колкото по-стабилно е самочувствието му и колкото по-отворени са погледът и душата му, толкова по-красив става.

За мен външната красота няма възраст.

Има млади хора, които заради ниско самочувствие, липса на контакти или постоянно потискане остават незабелязани. Това не означава, че не са красиви.

Когато пораснат и придобият повече увереност, излъчването им започва да се разгръща. Виждаме повече цветове от тях и изведнъж хората казват: „Колко красива жена“ или „Колко красив мъж“.

Този човек е бил красив и преди десет или двадесет години. Просто душата му е била по-затворена.

На модния подиум можем да видим жена на 60 и момиче на 18. Коя е по-красива? И двете са еднакво красиви. Просто имат различно излъчване.

Едната може да внушава строга елегантност, а другата — лека, младежка фриволност. И двете могат да бъдат изключително красиви.

Как се става дизайнер

Когато създаваш модели за бранд, остава ли място и за личната ти фантазия?

Разбира се. Всеки бранд има разпознаваема линия и това е напълно нормално. След толкова години моето мислене и линията на екипа са се доближили.

Представям си го като пътеки, които вървят една до друга. Понякога леко се разделят, после отново се събират. Това е напасване на линия, вкус и усещане за модерност.

Когато създаваме модел, всеки от нас вкарва част от себе си. Точно там се намира личната свобода — в детайла, който добавяш от себе си, без да разрушиш цялостния език на бранда.

Ако дрехите ти можеха да говорят, какво биха казали на новия си собственик?

Удобство, стил и излъчване.

Какъв съвет би дал на хората, които искат да се занимават с моден дизайн?

Преди всичко трябва истински да вярват, че го искат.

Това, че имаш възможност да купуваш скъпи дрехи или умееш да се обличаш, не те прави дизайнер.

Пътят е много дълъг и има много компоненти, които трябва да усвоиш и да започнеш да прилагаш ежедневно. Не е достатъчно да знаеш как да съчетаваш готови дрехи.

Трябва да знаеш как да ги конструираш, как да създадеш правилната форма и как да подбереш материалите, които са подходящи за конкретната дреха.

Това е широка и сложна професия с изключително много неща, които трябва да научиш. Най-важното е наистина да искаш да извървиш пътя.

Има хора, които тръгват много уверено, но бързо се отказват, когато разберат, че не знаят нищо отвъд купуването на готов продукт.

Това не те прави дизайнер.

Дизайнерът е човекът, който знае как да създаде и поднесе нещо така, че ти да го пожелаеш. Професията е много отговорна и пътят до нея е труден.

Понякога хора са ми казвали: „Какво толкова правиш — носиш една картинка, ушиват ти я и е готово.“

Не е така.

Зад една дреха стои много повече.

Гледайте целия разговор със Стоян Димитров в YouTube канала на The Wonder Mag.

Разговорът е част от юлската тема на The Wonder Mag: тялото, образът и иконата.

It is late afternoon in Taksim, Istanbul. Think of it as Times Square with more impatient taxis, more cigarette smoke, and a slightly higher chance that someone will interrupt your thoughts by shouting into a phone.

Cars are honking around me, but I am not expecting Madonna to step out of a cab on Istiklal the way she did when she moved to New York at nineteen and told the driver to take her to the centre of it all.

Instead, I am reading Madonna’s interview for Interview magazine, while sitting outside the cultural centre that saves me from the city’s chaos.

Somewhere nearby, Ricky Martin is sound-checking for his Istanbul concert. I am, apparently, absorbing the legacies of two iconic artists at once, without having asked to.

Ricky’s voice is floating over the noise of Taksim and for a second I think of the version of myself from a year ago, who would have opened Grindr, certainly invented a reason to walk to the stadium, and casually investigated each five-star hotel in the area in the name of pure journalism or poor decision-making.

This time I stay with Madonna’s interview before I create a logistical scandal.

In Interview, she talks about releasing Confessions II at a dark time in the world — about memory, prayer, phones, and the state of mind she wants to invite listeners into. And I begin to understand the album even better than I did the first time I listened to it, while riding on a ferry to the Princes’ Islands.

On that first listen, while Fragile was playing, I could not help but let the tears run down my face as I thought of my late father, whom I often see in my dreams, much like Madonna speaks of seeing her brother to whom she dedicated the song.

Confessions II makes even more sense now that I have lived with it for a week and played it twice every day. On first listen, it even felt as though Madonna was reintroducing us to album-listening at a time of fast beats and TikTok sounds. I remember thinking:

Now this vision has shifted into viewing this album as a refusal to let the algorithms take over and become the only rhythm we follow.

In Bring Your Love, Madonna sings, “don’t try to distract me with numbers” — a rejection, as she has explained in interviews, of everyone who has tried to talk her into decisions built around the album’s potential virality. It is really embarrassing how views, likes, and shares seem to shape the way we perceive ourselves nowadays, and how they even influence certain artists’ creative decisions, which sometimes makes music today come across as shallow.

The same resistance to disposability is present in Confessions II - The Film, a 13-minute long visual project that introduced the world to the album’s ecosystem before the album itself was released.

Visuals and music videos barely exist the way they used to, and when they do, the lack of imagination is often disturbing — as if a full cinematic experience is no longer worth the investment when a fifteen-second trend will do.

At such a time, Madonna returned with a short film.

Not a teaser, not a disposable clip.

A film.

A film that left viewers once again in awe of her creativity and artistry through ritual, memory, choreography, bodies, the mythology of the album. It gives soul to the songs and reminds us that pop music was never just sound, but image, provocation, choreography.

What it demands, in other words, is attention and repetition, as the album itself does not ask to be consumed and discarded, but it asks the body to remember something our phones keep interrupting.

This may be why the album connected so quickly with the millions of its listeners and became an immediate success — another wake-up call from the Queen of Pop.

Just a few hours after this feature was published, Confessions II debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard 200.

Madonna released several versions of the album, including the Icon Edition, Grindr Edition, and Instrumentals, and at one point three of the four occupied the top three spots on iTunes Worldwide for several days in a row.

That success suggests that listeners are still hungry for the full experience of entering an album’s world, that does not resemble something they can scroll past.

Confessions II, like all Madonna albums, is not supposed to be background music. It asks you to tune in, immerse yourself in the sound, let one song lead to another, dance, reflect, and return to the dance floor — to remember we still have bodies through which we can express ourselves, not just display on social media.

And it asks you to trust that dancing was never a distraction from the real thing.

It was always the real thing.

So perhaps the question that the album asks us to answer is:

When was the last time you moved your body because you meant it, and not because someone was watching?

I find Ivelina Choeva-Kadieva, Bulgaria’s diamond in the modelling industry, at the very beginning of the summer, relaxing in the quiet of her home. She is avoiding the sun and the heat, not because she insists on keeping her skin snowy white, but because she is carrying a new life in her body.

Ivelina calls this stage of her life an amusement park with a visible spark in her eyes — carousels, little cars, we bump into each other, we fall, we get up.

That is a strange thing to hear from a woman who has spent most of her life being measured.

At thirteen, she left Haskovo for Milan on a pink airplane, carrying a pink Bulgarian-English phrasebook in her bag, “in case something happened,” she says. Nothing in her childhood had initially pointed toward runways and spotlights. She had a strict mother, and Ivelina was following the blueprint of the perfect student, her grades had to stay perfect, too, and she was even attending mathematics competitions.

Everything, she tells me, went inside her notebook. “This is my current notebook; I have many others.” She is organized, neat, and tidy, and it is actually not surprising. Her entire self was built on precision, considering that a model’s body is watched and documented. It is part of a model’s grammar.

Ninety centimeters here, not ninety-two. A girl that is 1.85 meters tall and a girl of 1.75 meters height are held to the same number anyway, because the industry rarely bothers to ask whether its arithmetic is fair.

So how does a woman built on precision arrive a little more than a decade later at a life, resembling an amusement park?

That is where this conversation actually starts.

She tells me that the years before her pregnancy were not calm. She and her husband, actor and TV presenter Aleksandar Kadiev, were — in her words — “in a hundred places at once.” Somewhere underneath the busyness of it all, they were beginning to try for a baby, and there was the belief, as she jokingly says, that this too could have gone into the notebook, checked off like everything else.

“I had always imagined it would happen quickly,” she says. “Or that it would just happen, without planning it so much.”

When it did not, the stress began to take up more and more space. The pressure became internal, too, outside the chaos of day-to-day life. Every morning, she found herself thinking about the same thing.

People around her kept offering the least helpful piece of advice anyone would like to hear while they are inside the experience: calm down.

“At some point, I got tired of worrying,” she says. “I said to myself: Fine. If it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen. I couldn’t do it anymore. I was exhausted.”

And yet, with time, she arrived at the lesson everyone had been trying to give her, not by waking up feeling enlightened on a nice morning, but because she had no other choice.

“I see it as a lesson from fate and as a life lesson — that I cannot control everything,” she says. “And the moment I somehow let go of control, it happened.”

I ask her why she thinks people still refer to pregnancy as something beautiful and natural, but rarely talk about the struggles some women go through. She tells me that everybody around her talks openly about that and she is in a no-filter circle, that was always supporting her, but there was a loneliness underneath it all that no amount of support could fully reach.

“No matter how much you share with someone — even with my husband, who is in this with me — you start to feel lonely,” she says. “Because, after all, you are waiting for something to happen inside you.”

Support, then, becomes essential not because it removes the loneliness completely, but because it makes the loneliness survivable.

“Support is very, very important,” she dives deeper. “The most important thing is to calm down, yes, but you cannot calm down if you don’t have the kind of support that makes you feel safe.”

Pregnancy, for Choeva, has not erased the old vocabulary of modeling, but is teaching her to replace it.

“I’m not going to lie to you,” she says. “I have 10 to 12 years of experience as a professional model, and I think that has a huge influence. I’m used to looking a certain way.”

Now her body is changing. She knows this is normal. Still, there are moments, “I get out of the shower, I see this, I see that,” she says, half-laughing at herself.

Her eye is trained, and her questions are actually not irrational, because inside them lives the history of an industry.

“Have I gained too much weight? Is this new here?”

Her husband, she says, laughs at the questions, too, because his eyes have not changed, even if her body has started to. “In his eyes I see that he still likes me very much and loves me very much. That gives me security and calm.”

She is learning to meet the change with admiration instead of measurements — to stop translating her body into the vocabulary that she has absorbed, because old grammar disappears slowly.

But Choeva does not dramatize the old grammar - she does not perform suffering for the sake of story, nor does she pretend that modeling is a uniquely tragic profession. She is just honest about the industry and its requirements. It is a job, and if you would like to do it, then you have to meet the requirements.

“To work as a model, you have to be within certain measurements,” she says. “My body is the kind that, if I eat, I gain weight — I’m not one of those stick-thin girls.”

In her teenage years, when the body naturally begins to change and form, those changes collided with professional expectations. There were several years, she says, when she did “terrible things” with diets and not eating. She sees it now as a mistake.

“The industry doesn’t care very much about how you feel,” she says. “What matters is being within the measurements.”

Still, guided by resilience, her story is one of curiosity, independence, discipline, friendship, and taste.

After she received the offer for a contract in Milan when she was 13, she saw that as a great way to make her life more interesting.

“I was like: There it is. The gods, the stars, this is it,” she says. “I couldn’t believe it.”

More contracts followed — Asia, Europe, the United States — while she continued her education independently and returned to Haskovo once a year to pass her exams, still having to keep up to the image of the perfect student.

“I had no real idea what the world was like,” she says of that first Milan trip. “I was simply endlessly interested. I was like a sponge. I wanted to touch everything, talk to everyone, hear every story, learn everything.”

There was glamour, of course, but not always in the way people imagine.

“Glamour is what you see in magazines,” she says. The rest could be crowded apartments, tiny rooms, strange cities, shared space, early call times, and constant motion. In Tokyo, she remembers rooms so small that “you take one or two steps and that’s the width,” with three girls inside.

But none of it bothered her much. She wanted something to happen. She wanted life to open.

“For me, it wasn’t important where I slept or what I ate,” she says. “I wanted something to be happening around me.”

The industry gave her independence. Discipline. A sense of beauty. A feeling for style and behavior. It also gave her an early education in the relativity of beauty — perhaps one of the most interesting parts of her story.

When she started modeling, Bulgaria was beginning to embrace artificial glamour - thin eyebrows, crimped hair, Botox, silicone. But the modeling environment around her valued something completely different - clean skin, clean hair, no makeup, naturalness, imperfections, irregularity.

“Girls with more irregular features were considered more interesting because they were more unconventional,” she says.

This is where the Bulgarian gaze and the fashion gaze began to separate.

Choeva mentions that her eyes can appear asymmetrical in some shots, as if she is slightly cross-eyed. In Bulgaria, as she became more recognizable, online comments mocked her for it.

“Who is that cross-eyed girl? What Vogue? Super ugly.”

What others treated as a flaw, the fashion world had treated as an asset.

The industry that measured her hips to the centimeter, was the same industry that hired her eventually for a Vogue Ukraine cover — because of the one thing her own country called a flaw.

“I have been hired and paid precisely because of that imperfection,” she says, “because someone somewhere found it beautiful. You can’t insult me by saying that.”

By the end of our conversation, beauty has become our main topic, larger than image. Choeva speaks about wanting her son to have a sense of beauty — not only female beauty, but the beauty of the world.

“Beauty is not a science,” she says.

Which may be why, when I ask how she would describe this exact stage of her life — no longer counting, no longer measuring against anyone else’s number — she does not reach for a statistic at all.

“An amusement park,” she says.

There are carousels, little cars, collisions, falls, getting back up. Colors everywhere. Something is always sparkling, something is always happening. It is busy, she says, but “mega cool.” She feels like a child in an amusement park.

It is a lovely answer, but also revealing.

After years in an industry where the body could be reduced to centimeters, Ivelina now describes her life not through the perfect lines or fixed measurements, but through movement and color, which is not a number someone else can approve.

Perhaps this is the new grammar she is learning now - a body changing, a child coming, a woman extending her knowledge of her own beauty.

Not the grammar of centimeters.

The grammar of wonder.

This feature is based on Ivan Ssavsski’s video interview with Ivelina Choeva, originally conducted in Bulgarian for The Wonder Mag. The full conversation is available on YouTube.

В самото начало на лятото намирам Ивелина Чоева-Кадиева в дома й. Крие се от жегите, между работни ангажименти е и мисли за августовска почивка. Навън сезонът все повече навлиза в онзи момент, в който слънцето става все по-ярко и всичко е изложено на показ — телата, дрехите, плановете, животът, който трябва да върви по план.

При Ивелина лятото на 2026 година е и нов етап.

След повече от десетилетие като професионален модел — пътувания, снимки, кампании, Vogue, Fendi и свят, в който тялото често е разглеждано като силует и образ, днес за нея тялото носи нов живот и се променя.

Разговорът ни е част от юлската тема на The Wonder Mag — тялото, образът и иконата — и може би един от най-важните уроци, които ще чуете и прочетете, е, че най-големите промени започват тогава когато спрем само да гледаме тялото и започнем да го слушаме.

Разговорът е редактиран за яснота и дължина.

В какъв етап от бременността си в момента — повече спокойствие, нетърпение или режим „подготовка“?

Спокойна съм, да ти кажа. Доста чил съм. Не са ме ударили хормоните, май. Не знам — Сашо трябва да го питаме. Но аз смятам, че съм си супер. Спокойно ми е, леко ми е все още. Работя си, не съм променила по някакъв начин ежедневието си. Добре съм. Не мога да се оплача.

Успяваш ли да съчетаеш професионалните ангажименти с бременността?

Засега успявам. Чукам на дърво, чувствам се добре и смятам, докато се чувствам така, да си правя нещата, които обичам. Разбира се, една идея съм дала задна — няма как, особено в момента с тези жеги. Това най-много ме изморява.

Но като цяло съм добре и докато съм добре, искам да правя нещата, които обичам, защото реално аз много си обичам работата — и трите ми работи. Приятно ми е.

Не си представям да легна и нищо да не правя, освен ако, не дай Боже, няма някаква причина. Не знам какво ще правя, ако нищо не правя. Някак си не си го представям.

Малката Катерина сигурно също се подготвя да бъде кака. Как го преживява?

Тя е най-щастлива от всички. Ние всички сме много щастливи, но тя е страшно развълнувана. Много се радва, няма търпение. Много е сладко да я гледаш толкова превъзбудена и съм сигурна, че ще бъде най-добрата кака.

Аз сигурно над 50 пъти гледах монтажа на видеото, в което тя чете посланието към бебето, и всеки път, когато тя започне да чете, се вълнувам. Даже сега като се сещам, пак се вълнувам. Въобще не го очаквахме.

Децата са най-искрените същества. Тя е толкова осъзната за годините си и в същото време е толкова мила и добра — не само към нас, хората, които обича, и семейството си, но и към света. Изразява любовта си и емоциите си, което е страхотно.

В интервю със Сашо споделихте, че пътят към бременността не е бил съвсем лек и че стресът е имал голямо влияние. Какво най-много ти тежеше?

Стресът беше свързан отново с многото работа, колкото и да си обичаме работата. И съм изключително благодарна — не искам тук да прозвучи, че се оплаквам, че работя. Напротив, обожавам работата си. Обожавам и стреса около нея — малко е като Стокхолмски синдром, защото той е част от цялото преживяване.

Но ние и двамата сме яхнали вълната, както се казва, и сме на сто места. Просто имаше много стрес около всичко това. Винаги съм си представяла, че ще стане бързо. Или че просто ще стане, без толкова да го планираш.

А аз съм човек на планирането. При мен всичко е в тефтера. Всичко е записано. И когато нещо по списък не върви, започвам да изтръпвам.

Мислех, че това също ще бъде едно от нещата в тефтера ми. Но го приемам като урок от съдбата и като житейски урок — че не мога да контролирам всичко. И в момента, в който някак си пуснах контрола, то се случи. Може би трябваше да науча този урок.

А как пусна контрола? Какво се промени?

Аз не се събудих една сутрин и не казах: „Ох, пускам контрола, научих си урока.“ Не. Просто в един момент дойде безпомощността на положението.

В същото време знам, че има жени и семейства, които преминават през това много по-дълго от нас — пет, шест, седем, осем години. При нас нямаше и две. Но все пак всеки си гледа в неговата паничка. За всеки неговият проблем е най-големият и най-тежкият.

В един момент ми писна да се притеснявам и си казах: „Хубаво, като не стане — не стане.“ Не можех повече. Бях се изморила.

Всички ми повтаряха: „Успокой се, ще стане, когато се успокоиш.“ От майка ми до приятелки, които са минали през това, до лекари. А аз си казвах: „Как да се успокоя? Вие луди ли сте? Как да не го мисля?“ Накрая се оказаха прави, но трябваше да стигна до това по по-трудния начин.

Въпреки всичко спокойствието е много, много важно в такива моменти.

Когато говорим за бременност, често се говори за нея като нещо красиво и естествено, а много по-малко за страховете, чакането и напрежението. Защо според теб това все още е трудно за говорене?

Честно казано, тук съм на различнo мнениe, защото в средата, в която аз се намирам, около мен всички говорят. Няма филтри. Мъже, жени — всички можем да седнем с приятелския ни кръг и да говорим. Не мисля, че има някой, с когото не сме говорили по темата или не сме споделили.

Но има един момент, в който, колкото и да споделяш с някого — дори с мъжа ми, който е с мен в това — започваш да се чувстваш самотно. Защото все пак чакаш нещо да стане в теб. Не казвам, че всичко зависи само от нас, жените, но има този момент на самота.

Всички ти казват: „Не се притеснявай, с теб сме. Дали ще стане или не, по един или друг начин ще стане.“ Но ти си знаеш какво ти е. Няма как човекът отсреща да знае точно как се чувстваш. И слава Богу, защото не е нужно всички да изпитваме негативните емоции. Но подкрепата е много важна.

Ако има семейства или жени, които не срещат тази подкрепа, това със сигурност е проблем. Дори при мен, където не беше тежък случай, аз малко се бях филмирала повече, отколкото трябва. Започнах да психясвам. Всяка сутрин мислех само за това. Това ми влияеше на работата, на отношенията ми с хората. Мозъкът ми беше зает да мисли само и единствено за това.

Аз имах support group. Моята среда не е неподкрепяща. Говори се. Имах абсолютно всички неща около мен, които са ми нужни, за да се чувствам добре и да преодолея някакви емоционални състояния. Не мога да си представя какво би било, ако го нямах.

Затова е важно — дали си приятел на някого, дали си партньор, дали си роднина — да подкрепяш жената в такива моменти. Психически не е лесно. От една страна искаш да създадеш живот, от друга се притесняваш дали си в най-добрата си форма да го направиш, дали ще можеш да дадеш това, което трябва, защо не става, какво става, хормони, какво ли още не.

Подкрепата е много, много важна. Да не кажа най-важното. Защото най-важното е да се успокоиш, но няма как да се успокоиш, ако нямаш подкрепата, която да те накара да се чувстваш сигурна.

Как в момента бременността влияе на професията ти като жена, чиято работа е свързана с външния вид?

Няма да те лъжа. Аз съм с 10–12 години стаж като професионален модел. Бях активен модел, на всеки три месеца пътувах. Това е огромна част от моя живот. И съм свикнала да се старая да изглеждам по определен начин.

Сега тялото ми започва да се променя, което е нормално. Гледам да гледам позитивно на себе си. Но тук честно казано и Сашо много ми помага, защото няма да те лъжа — има моменти, в които се чувствам несигурна.

Нормални са тези неща. Аз осъзнавам, че са нормални, но просто са нови за мен. Постоянно го питам: „Много ли съм надебеляла? Това нормално ли е?“ Според мен подкрепата на партньора е много важна. Да видиш, че в неговите очи, въпреки че си различна, той пак те харесва и обича, дава сигурност и спокойствие.

Старая се да гледам позитивно на това. В крайна сметка около мен има много примери на майки, които след бременността тренират, хранят се както обикновено и дори изглеждат по-добре от преди. Всичките ми приятелки, които са родили, са богини. Така че очаквам същия ефект и започвам да събирам tips and tricks.

От друга страна, това са едни девет месеца, в които тялото ти създава живот. Това е изключително красиво и интересно. Няма какво да си говорим — женският организъм е абсолютна магия. Аз до ден днешен си казвам: „Знам, че съм бременна, но как вътре в мен живее друг човек?“ Много странно, но много интересно.

Какво би искала всяка жена по време на бременност да си позволи — без натиск, без напрежение, без стремеж към перфекционизъм?

Да слуша тялото си. Много е повтаряно, но аз вече разбирам защо се повтаря. Когато забременях, всеки започна да ми дава страшно много акъл — с най-добри чувства, разбира се. Но при всяка жена бременността е различна. Тялото реагира различно. Не всеки съвет, колкото и да е добронамерен, ще работи за теб.

Затова е важно да се абстрахираш от целия външен шум около теб. Колкото и да е с добри намерения, то е много шум.

Да си позволиш да чуеш тялото си — какво иска. Дали иска да полегне, дали иска да ходи, дали иска лимон със сол, дали може кафе, дали не може кафе. Разбира се, има някакви граници, но трябва да го чуеш. Да си позволиш да го чуеш.

Защото пак — от control freak, каквито сме повечето, държим контрола и вървим по списък: трябва да правя това, това, това. Но когато вървиш само по списък, не чуваш какво ти казва вътрешното ти аз. И по този начин не правиш най-доброто за себе си или за детето. Напротив.

Много хора са отдалечени от телата си. И сякаш най-трудните неща станаха най-простите, които трябва да ни идват естествено. Отдалечихме се от себе си и сега трябва да работим два пъти повече, за да направим най-елементарните неща за нашето тяло и за вътрешното ни усещане. Трябва да се адаптираме към времето, в което живеем.

Да се върнем към началото ти като модел. Къде започна всичко?

Започнах с моделството, защото много ми беше скучно в Хасково. Аз съм от Хасково и винаги съм стърчала над всички. Бях много висока, откакто се помня. Винаги ме слагаха най-отзад на снимките, най-отзад на танцовите формации, защото бях най-висока.

Една приятелка на майка ми — бях на около 12 — каза: „Абе, защо не запишеш Ивето модел? Тя има стойка, хубава е, висока е.“ Майка ми беше много строг родител. Аз учех, трябваше да съм отличничка, ходех на олимпиади по математика, по английски — фокусът беше насочен другаде.

Но когато приятелката на майка ми каза за моделството, аз започнах да ровя, да търся, да разбера какво правят моделите, къде ходят да се снимат. Разбрах, че моделската кариера започва много рано и аз бях горе-долу на годините, когато можеш да започнеш. Светна ми лампичката, че това е страхотен начин да разнообразя живота си.

И започнах: „Мамо, моля те, моля те, моля те.“ Това беше в Хасково, нямаше агенции, всичко беше в София. Накрая с триста зора майка ми каза: „Добре, отиваме.“ Тя гледаше супер недоверчиво всички в агенцията, защото се сещаш — 90-те години, какви слухове имаше, какви неща се говореха.

В агенцията ме измериха, направиха ми полароидни снимки — това са снимки на бяла стена, с черен топ и черни дънки, за да може клиентът да те види без грим, без нищо. След една седмица ми звъннаха и казаха, че имам предложение за договор и да заминавам за Милано.

Аз бях: „Ето! Боговете, звездите, това е.“ Не можех да повярвам. Бях на 13.

Как майка ти те пусна сама на 13?

Като си помисля от нейна гледна точка как ме е пуснала — не знам. Благодаря ѝ. Но трябваше да мина на самостоятелна форма на обучение, защото след това дойдоха още договори. Трябваше да замина за Азия, после пак Европа, Щатите. Но успехът не трябваше да пада. Трябваше да е 6.00.

Така започнах да пътувам. Помня, че тръгнах от летище София с един розов самолет и с един розов българо-английски разговорник, не дай си Боже, ако нещо стане. Но го оставих, мен не ме беше срам, много ми беше интересно, говорих си. Така започна всичко. Веднъж в годината се връщах в Хасково, за да си взема класа, защото трябваше да взимам всеки предмет.

Не завърших с 6.00, защото вторият ми чужд език в езиковата гимназия беше немски. Голяма грешка. Не беше моето. Имах четворка, но госпожа Петрова ми прости. И химията хич не ми вървеше, но по другото бях топ.

Когато на 13 заминаваш за Милано, какво си мисли 13-годишната Ивелина?

Нищо не си представях, защото не знаех светът какъв е. Аз бях ходила до София, но нямах никаква представа. Просто ми беше безкрайно интересно. Бях като гъба. Исках всичко да пипна, с всеки да си говоря, всяка история да чуя, всичко да науча. Интересни ми бяха документите, интересни ми бяха другите момичета, които бяха по-големи.

Виждах как друг свят се отваря пред мен и нямах очаквания. Бях абсолютно разтворена. Тръгнах и исках всичко да изживея, всичко да опитам. Нямах чувство за страх или предпазливост. Просто бях готова да грабя, да хвърча, да преживявам.

Готова за the glamorous life!

Той невинаги е толкова glamorous. Гламурът е като го гледаш по списанията. Но моделските апартаменти, в които живеехме, не бяха някакви mansion-и като по Netflix. Напротив. Спала съм къде ли не — в моделски апартаменти с още четири момичета в стая. В Токио например са буквално кутийки. Правиш една-две крачки и това е широчината, а вътре сте три момичета.

Но тези неща никога не са ме притеснявали. За мен не беше важно къде спя или какво ям. Исках да става нещо около мен. Исках нещо да се случва. Беше ми безкрайно любопитно и приятно.

Впоследствие започнах да харесвам и самата моделска кариера, но не ми беше фикс идея да ставам супермодел. По-скоро исках да пътувам, да работя, в един момент да стана самостоятелна. Всичко това ми беше безкрайно интересно. И създадох много приятелства. До ден днешен най-близките ми приятелки са от тези години.

За мен не е вярно това, че моделите — като в клишетата по филмите — си чупят токчетата и се саботират. На мен поне това не ми се е случвало. Беше страхотен период. Ако трябва в десет живота да се върна и да избера дали така да прекарам тийнейджърските си години — винаги ще избера това.

Кои модели те вдъхновяваха тогава?

Синди, Жизел, Адриана по едно време — много имена. Моделите от едно време, първите супермодели, винаги са ми били интересни, защото те създават професията „модел“.

И другото, което смятам, че много ми помогна тогава, е, че по това време в България бяха модерни тънките вежди, вафлите в косата, започваха ботокс, силикон и всякакви такива неща. Докато моята среда беше тотално обратната. При нас беше важно да си без грим, с чиста кожа, с чиста коса, да поддържаш фигурата си в някакви сантиметри, но да изглеждаш добре без добавки.

Момичетата с по-неправилни черти се смятаха за по-интересни, защото бяха по-нестандартни. Това много се ценеше. Докато тук се котираше изкуственото, при мен се котираше естественото — максимално естественото. И това да приемаш, дори да аплодираш несъвършенствата, които те правят уникален.

При мен например го има това, че двете ми очи са различни. На някои кадри изглеждам малко кривогледа. И тук в България, когато започнах да ставам по-разпознаваема, четях коментари от типа: „Коя е тази кривогледата? Какъв Vogue? Какви пет лева? Супер грозна.“ А на мен ми става смешно, защото мен са ме взимали на работа и са ми давали пари точно заради това несъвършенство — защото някой някъде го е намерил за красиво. Не можеш да ме обидиш, като ми кажеш това.

Имаше ли любими проекти, по които си работила?

Vogue ми е любим, няма как. Това беше мечта. Снимахме и една много готина кампания на Fendi в Дубай.

Но истината е, че най-големите кампании, които съм правила, тези с най-много пари, не винаги са ми най-любими. Има неща, за които може би никой няма да се сети, че са част от някакъв моден бизнес, но аз ги помня много по-силно. Например по едно време майчината ми агенция беше във Финландия и с тях много пътувах из Европа — Финландия, Естония. Снимали сме едиториал от три страници за някакво абсолютно незнайно списание, но ми е останал в сърцето като един от най-готините ми работни дни. Никога няма да го забравя.

Кои са качествата, които моделството изгради в теб?

Самостоятелност, дисциплина, усет към красотата. Тези години бяха тийнейджърските ми години, когато започваш да формираш вкус. Аз съм страшно благодарна, че имах възможност да видя най-различни неща и спрямо тях да сформирам свой личен вкус, който, разбира се, се променя постоянно.

Но моделството ми даде база за усещане за красота, стил и поведение. Нямах избор, освен да порасна много бързо, но през това време и да се забавлявам на максимум.

Имаше ли нещо, което моделството взе от теб?

Не знам. Аз много романтизирам този период в живота си. Може би, докато аз съм била някъде и съм работила, моите съученици са имали друг тип тийнейджърство, който със сигурност също е бил страхотен, просто различен. Но не мисля, че това е минус.

Единственото, което виждам като негатив в началните години на моделската ми кариера, е, че бях много объркана по отношение на тяло и мерки. За да работиш като модел, трябва да си в определени мерки. Моето тяло е такова, че ако си хапвам, аз се пълня — не съм от тези, които са клечици. А в тийнейджърските години точно започваш да ставаш по-пухкава, гърди, дупе — тялото се оформя. Само че на мен това не ми вършеше работа тогава.

Имаше няколко години, в които правих страшни глупости с диети, с рязко отслабване, неядене и така нататък. Това го намирам за грешка, абсолютно, защото и до ден днешен влияе на някакви женски хормони и други неща. Отдавна не правя тези неща, разбира се. Това е може би най-големият негатив.

Индустрията не се интересува много от това как се чувстваш. Важно е да си в мерките. Разбира се, не трябва да се стига до крайности. Има проблем и в това, че аз съм 1.85, друго момиче е 1.78, но от нас се търсят едни и същи мерки. Това не е честно, защото защо и аз трябва да имам ханш 90 като нея? Но това е изискването на модната индустрия.

Знам, че има нездравословни практики. Аз съм ги виждала, живяла съм ги, знам как се държат определени хора. Но тук отново е много важно да имаш хора около себе си, които знаят как да те подкрепят. Аз съм плакала, крещяла съм, какво ли не съм правила, но имах късмет около мен да има по-големи момичета, съквартирантки, които в правилния момент да ми обяснят как всъщност стоят нещата, какво е добре да се направи и как може да се направи. Не всеки, за съжаление, има този късмет и тогава проблемите стигат до крайност.

Подготвям материал, свързан със „Сексът и градът“ и така наречените modelizers — мъже, които сякаш събират жени със статут „модел“, за да си вдигнат собствения статут. Кога погледът към една жена е възхищение и кога става опит за превръщането ѝ в обект?

Ако сме откровени, смятам, че нещата вървят ръка за ръка. Няма какво да се лъжем. Когато видиш един красив човек, независимо дали е жена или мъж, няма как да не реагираш. Ти го разглеждаш като обект, преди да го познаваш. Просто виждаш красив човек, който създава у теб емоция — възхищение, страст, възбуда, каквото и да е.

После идва другото. Едно е да гледаш, друго е да правиш неща, които не са ОК. Там според мен е границата. Границата е тънка, но доколкото е уважително към отсрещния човек, независимо от пола, е напълно нормално. Ние сме хора, виждаме с очите си и това създава емоция. Но пак казвам — има граници.

Имам чувството, че в днешно време, ако погледнеш някого по-продължително или изразиш възхищение, не знаеш дали ще срещнеш стена.

Това е друг проблем. Аз съм много за границите, но в същия момент гледам сегашните тийнейджъри и те нямат усещане за свалка, ако щеш. Не знаят как да общуват. Всичко е онлайн и много си личи, когато няма живо общуване.

Спомням си, когато бях тийнейджърка и пътувах, постоянно някой идваше, заговаряше те, случваше се нещо. Дори да не се случи нищо, мъжете бяха смели. Ако го отрежеш — ще го отрежеш, няма проблем. Докато сега всеки гледа лошо, всеки е много тежък. Другият се притеснява да не каже нещо, защото може да бъде осъден. И така се губи спонтанността.

Хората имаме нужда от емоция. А емоцията се създава, когато общуваме.

Явно app-овете са част от адаптацията към времето, в което живеем. Не знам. На мен много ми липсва живото общуване. Много ми е носталгично. Аз много обичам да наблюдавам хората. Понякога сядам на пейка и ми е хубаво да ги гледам и да си въобразявам някакви истории за всеки.

Като Кари Брадшоу?

Да! Като изляза някъде по заведение, понякога ми става мъчно. Гледаш жените — те седят, гледат така, че направо погледът им и мен ме стресира. Представям си, ако съм мъж, да отида да заговоря някоя. Това всъщност няма значение дали говорим за мъж-жена, мъж-мъж, жена-жена. Има тенденция на отдалечаване от най-елементарните комуникационни умения. Това е времето, в което живеем.

Когато една жена е красива, мислиш ли, че на хората им е по-трудно да я възприемат като сложна, умна, чувствителна, ранима?

Много често са ми задавали този въпрос — дали това, че си красива, ти помага или ти пречи. За едни хора съм красива, за други не съм, но в общия случай, чувствайки се като красива жена, до ден днешен не мога да кажа категорично. По-скоро със сигурност повече ми е помагало, особено ако трябва нещо да се свърши с мъже.

Но е имало моменти, особено когато завърших образованието си в Лондон и започнах да работя по специалността си, в които малко не ме приемаха насериозно. Бях свикнала по-лесно да ми се отварят врати, точно защото съм модел, защото съм красива, защото съм с дълги крака. Но когато започнах да работя и трябваше да използвам друг похват, а не красотата си, беше малко по-трудно, докато някой ме вземе насериозно.

Но пак се доказваш. Поработваш малко повече, за да се види, че не е само обвивка. И в момента, в който хората свикнат, че можеш да правиш X, Y, Z неща, това отново става плюс.

Какво би искала хората да разбират по-добре за жените, които работят с красотата си?

Може би, че почти сто процента от тях имат много други качества и интереси извън това, което се показва. Спомням си мои колежки модели — едната учеше медицина, представи си. Медицина, докато работеше и пътуваше. Друга говореше шест езика.

Това са неща, които никога няма да предположиш, когато видиш едно момиче на afterparty, след като е ходило примерно на Rick Owens и е отваряло шоу. Виждаш я на afterparty-то и си казваш: „Е, тази мацка е мега яка, забавлява се с къса рокля.“ Но в същото време тя прави още 15 хиляди неща.

Като цяло жените — не само моделите и хората в социалните мрежи — сме много комплексни същества и можем да multitask-ваме много повече. Жените особено са велики същества. Повечето правят по един трилион неща едновременно и имат много интересни интереси.

Затова съветвам по-скоро да задаваме повече въпроси, да комуникираме повече, за да стигнем до вътрешността на тези хора. Обикновено там е още по-красиво и още по-интересно от фасадата, която виждаме.

Как си представяш професионалния си път след раждането?

Представям си, че съм една cool mom. Със сигурност ще отделям време на детенцето, но не мисля да спра да работя. Просто смятам да адаптирам работните си ангажименти спрямо нуждите на моето дете, докато то има повече нужда от мен.

Нямам търпение да му покажа моя свят. Ще му чета приказки с моя живот. По-нататък нямам търпение той, защото е той, момче е, да стане част от моя живот и от живота на Сашо.

Аз съм израснала в семейство, в което майка ми винаги е говорила с мен като с възрастен. Разбира се, държала се е с мен и като с дете, но винаги ме е включвала в нейните активности, в нейната работа, обяснявала ми е какво, защо и как. Смятам да последвам нейния пример и да въведем новото човече в нашите животи. Ако нещо му стане интересно или по някакъв начин го насочи към неговия път — страхотно. Ако ли пък му е скучно, ще му намерим други занимания.

Какво искаш синът ти да знае за красотата?

Искам да има усет за нея. Не смятам, че мога да кажа: „Искам да знае това.“ Красотата не е наука. Искам да има усет за красотата и да я оценява по правилния начин — не само женската красота, а цялата красота на света.

На по-късен етап ми е много интересно как ще го възпитаме, какъв пример ще му дадем със Сашо за партньорските отношения и за всичко останало. Но да — искам да създам в него чувство и усет за красота.

Ако трябва с една дума да опишеш този етап от живота си в момента, коя би била тя?

Увеселителен парк.

Безкрайно цветно е, има много играчки, въртележки, колички, блъскаме се, падаме, ставаме. Много е цветно, отвсякъде нещо блести, нещо се случва, busy е, но пак е мега яко. Аз съм дете в увеселителен парк.

Край на разговора.

On a warm, sun-lit Istanbul morning, I boarded the first ferry to the Princes’ Islands with Madonna’s Confessions II in my headphones.

The city was slowly pulling away, the dance music was like coffee to my slightly frantic, under-slept soul - always running toward the next deadline - and the sea was doing what it usually does - looking calmer than any of us passengers.

Following the music's rhythm, movement, and release, we were approaching the first of the islands, and the album did something I was not prepared for.

It made me cry.

The music is not exactly sad, even though you can feel Madonna reflecting on themes that run through all our lives, but one track in particular - Fragile, a song she recorded while grieving the loss of her brother - made me remember my late father. I had not expected that, on a ferry, at 7.30 in the morning.

And Fragile made me remember something I return to every time I write about pop icons - the public image is never the whole story. Sometimes the most glittering surface is the threshold to something much more private.

That is where July begins for The Wonder Mag.

This month, the month we often proudly show off our perfectly-sculpted bodies on the beaches, The Wonder Mag is looking at the body, the image, and the icon, as the ways people become visible to the world, and the ways they remain unknowable even when everyone thinks they are looking directly at them.

The question first appeared when I was writing about Kylie Minogue and what happens when someone is loved as an image before they are understood as a person, but then this same question continued following me in each topic I was exploring this month.

It followed me into my interview with Bulgarian supermodel Ivelina Choeva, who over the years has appeared on the cover of Vogue Ukraine, graced the pages of major fashion publications, and worked with high-end brands like Fendi. Now expecting her first child, we talked pregnancy, the transformation of the body, the rhythm, and the self.

It followed me into fashion, where Bulgarian designer Stoyan Dimitrov spoke about corsets, beauty, and the invisible structures that still discipline the body. His point - that the modern corset is not always tied with ribbons anymore, but is made of filters, algorithms, and comparison - has stayed with me since.

It followed me into the second episode of Sex and the City, which revolves around “modelizers” - men who do not simply desire beautiful women, but collect the labels “model” and “beauty” as proof of their own importance.

It followed me into Madonna’s Confessions II, where the body is not neutral, but a symbol of scandal, power, weapon, and confession.

It followed me into Jennifer Lopez, and the impossible discipline of becoming J.Lo.

It followed me into women in media, and how they are praised for their brilliance until that brilliance becomes too inconvenient, and how they are invited into the frame until they start taking up too much of it.

So July is not just about beauty, but what beauty does once it enters the world.

How it is used, how it is sold, how it sells, how it protects, how it turns into careers, power, inheritance. It is about bodies as homes and histories, icons as people whose images have been loved, misunderstood, and projected onto by the rest of us.

Even nostalgia belongs here - the childhood shows we return to when what we want to feel is home, safety, and the memory of playing in our grandparents’ apartment where the air carries the smell of your favorite cake only your grandmother knew how to make.

We keep returning to images because they hold feeling - old clips we still watch online, fictional women we quote as if they raised us, imaginary companions we now build through technology. We keep looking because part of us still believe the surface will lead somewhere deeper.

That is why The Wonder Mag exists under its new name and new home. June did not go exactly as planned, as there was a migration of articles worth carrying into this new home, and too many pieces were left waiting in drafts.

This is where July begins.

From the ferry, from The Wonder Mag Island Bureau, from the music that was supposed to make me dance, but made me cry, from the new name, and from the old questions that refuse to leave -

To who gets seen. Who gets reduced. Who gets desired. Who gets to change. To age. To speak. To own the story.

Welcome to the first month of The Wonder Mag in its new home.

This month, we look again.

When we lose love, we often find ourselves. When we give up on love, however, do we grow beyond it? Lessons from ‘Sex and the City’.

When I first started this series of articles, “I couldn’t help but wonder”, back in 2024, I was writing about love from the outside.

It came mostly from observation, imagination, and very little lived experience. I wasn’t out as a gay man yet. I hadn’t truly dated. Lots of things I had to censor so my family wouldn’t understand or see something as gay — or at least too gay — until further notice.

Still, writing about love felt freeing and it came from the quiet hope that one day, it would all make sense.

Today, having come out in 2024, having had two serious relationships — one of which an engagement at that — and a few situationships, all I can say is: it doesn’t make sense at all.

But I’ve lived it.

And now, all those same questions Carrie Bradshaw asked and couldn’t help but wonder about, don’t feel like theory, observation, and hope. They’re personal. Some of them messy, some of them unbelievable. But they feel mine.

So now, in 2026, it’s time to give this series the relaunch it deserves — messy, raw, and unfiltered, because isn’t that what love is about?

For those of you who are new, here’s what we do:

We take the question that Carrie writes about, we look for the answers — if there are any — and we see if everything about relationships has changed over all these years since Sex and the City, the movies, and And Just Like That have been released… or whether we’re still stuck in the same patterns, desperately seeking comfort and validation.

Are we witnessing an evolution or just a more complicated version of the same old dance?

As Season 1, Episode 1 opens, we see that nothing truly new presents itself.

We still belong to the age of uninnocence, as Carrie describes it.

The episode opens with the story of a journalist from London, Elizabeth, who moves to New York and immediately meets a fabulous bachelor who seems promising — nothing like the other fish in the sea.

They have great dates and chemistry, there is potential, and just when everything starts to get serious, the fabulous bachelor ghosts Elizabeth before ghosting was even a term.

What’s different today?

We text. We connect. We share intimacy. We build something that feels mutual — and right when we are on the crest of the wave, we find ourselves ghosted.

At some point, I asked my mother whether ghosting existed in Bulgaria in the 90s.

She’s the perfect person to ask — she had various friend groups and lots of dating experience. I was convinced I was going to hear at least one fascinating story that I could share with you, but…

Nothing.

It turns out that Bulgarians in the 90s still had the dignity to name the problems before announcing the end of a relationship or a situationship. I am now wondering when Bulgarians picked up ghosting, so I’m definitely going to research that and share the results with you.

However, if we look at the current evidence on ghosting, most of us have been ghosted at least once — or have ghosted someone ourselves, or both.

Is it fear of attachment? Is it fear of responsibility?

Do we all safely assume that if we just leave without a word, we can come back at any point looking for comfort?

Whatever the reasons might be, they all welcome us back to the age of uninnocence when, as Carrie says…

“No one has breakfast at Tiffany’s and no one has affairs to remember. Instead, we have breakfast at 7 a.m. and affairs we try to forget as quickly as possible. Self-protection and closing the deal are paramount. Cupid has flown the co-op.”

And then she asks:

How the hell did we get into this mess?

Good question, Carrie.

It seems no one has learned from the past, and it seems things are actually… worse.

In the rush of our lives, we still have breakfast at 7 a.m. while scrolling through Google Calendar, dreading the hell of a day that’s lurking in the little multicolored tabs.

We proceed to going on social media to doomscroll a little, but just enough to start comparing ourselves to the people we follow, only to start beating ourselves up on why we don’t look a certain way or have a certain lifestyle.

And then, after social media, drumroll, we open dating apps. We begin swiping on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, whatever, hoping to find the perfect match.

I’m wondering — if aliens were observing us, would they assume that the activity of finding a good match resembles the search for the freshest greens and veggies at the market?

Can you imagine? Social media, Tinder, and Bumble have become the new battlegrounds where we seek connections. Yet, despite the technological advancements, disappointment is just a swipe away when we are one step closer to saying — I found them.

And as the first episode unfolds, taking us on a walk around the question, why are there so many great unmarried women and no great unmarried men, it leads us to the main topic presented by Samantha:

“If you’re a successful saleswoman in the city, you have two choices. You can bang your head against the wall and try to find a relationship, or you can say screw it and just go out and have sex like a man.” (without feelings)

After a brief chat about guys that Samantha and Miranda have had sex with and a debate about whether they believe in love or not, led by Charlotte and Carrie, we see Carrie herself in her flat typing the question:

“Was it true? Were women in New York giving up on love and throttling up on power?“

But shaped by my attempt to make this whole thing more universal, I guess the question should instead sound more like:

Are men and women, gay, bi, or straight, giving up on love and throttling upon power?

This question is deep because it feels like in the past, love was about emotional fulfillment, but nowadays, it’s more about love turning into vulnerability and unpredictability. And at the same time, power has always been about focusing on control over your life, prioritizing career, independence, money, status, and self-protection, and most importantly, choosing agency over emotional risk.

Love and power are two different forces. They function differently, but can’t we stay powerful while choosing love?

Today, we all have our guards up, and we respond to affection differently, while power presents itself in various ways, such as:

• not texting first

• not over-investing too early

• walking away at the first red flag

• keeping options open

• saying “I’m focusing on myself”

Is that healthy, or is that actually fear?

Think about it. When we have two people doing the same things I just listed while trying to build some type of connection, is that connection even possible?

People say they want love, and yet they still expect it to fail.

So at the end, we stay guarded, we stay ironic, we stay without commitments longer while waiting, while wanting both deep connection and full autonomy. And when we face the moment of having to make a choice between the two, most of the times we protect autonomy first.

Which leads to a deeper spiral to the same pattern with someone else.

Something that I have observed has changed since the 90s, though, is Stanford’s, Carrie’s gay bestie, comment on the topic.

“I’m beginning to think the only place where one can still find love and romance is the gay community. It’s straight love that’s become closeted”.

Well, I for one can say this is no longer valid. As a gay man, I’ve observed that as we, gay people, might still be romantic and willing to show affection, it’s until most of the gay men get you under the sheets. Once their business over there is done, things are over and you will never see them again, although their promises might be different. That’s what most Grindr dates are like.

Now, as much as we love Samantha’s character, that symbolizes autonomy and empowerment, in order to become like her, we most probably must have gone through something very traumatic that has made us crave that level of control over the situation… to stay within our power and to purely enjoy sex as just… sex.

Later on in the series, even Samantha showed she was capable of having relationships, she was able to love, and she wanted a deeper connection.

So what? How can we stay in control and can we stay in control while being in love?

Many people are confident enough to say they have found the perfect formula. What we must be aware of, though, is that we will have to go through a lot to find our match, and Tinder won’t be really helpful when it comes to this, even if it’s already seen as the normal “place” to find someone to go on a date with.

In the meantime, can we find hope in “sex like a man” while we are looking for that connection that would allow us to stay “powerful”?

Well, Carrie did make her experiment of having sex like a man with an ex-boyfriend of hers, and she left “powerful, potent, and incredibly alive,” as she described, and she didn’t even wait for the poor guy to finish. Victory achieved. After she left the guy’s building, she even bumped into Mr. Big for the first time, who happened to become the love of her life later on in the series.

While this is a nice scenario to believe in, meeting the love of your life after having NSA sex with another person… are the feelings that Carrie mentioned — powerful, potent, and incredibly alive — enough for us nowadays?

Are we, in essence, trading genuine connection for momentary empowerment and pleasure?

Well, when it comes to Carrie, it proved totally pointless after she came across that ex of hers for the second time at a party, because the guy seemed happy and even relieved that Carrie finally understood what he wanted — no commitments.

And just like that, “powerful, potent, and incredibly alive” suddenly became just five meaningless words.

Why? Because it turns out that you have to change who you are even to just get laid. And frankly, after hearing this, Carrie was even wondering why she didn’t feel more in control.

I have been there, too. Sometimes I have felt very empowered (usually when seeking validation) and other times, I have felt terribly miserable after a hookup because of the connection fading away. Getting ghosted after sleeping in someone’s arms, after having a wonderful time together, not just wonderful sex, is far from empowering, especially when you feel so deep. Where do the smiles, the shared conversations, even the shared secrets go after a hookup?

Maybe that’s why after I ended my engagement, I haven’t been able to hook up. I guess I am just waiting for that meaningful connection, the one that will allow me to stay powerful in love and not consumed.

Is love the key?

When Mr. Big drove Carrie home after the party, he told her he wasn’t even half a drop like the men who had sex without feelings. When she asked him what was wrong with him, he told her that she had never been in love.

Can love truly be the key to overcoming disappointments and navigating the maze of modern dating?

Do we even realize how much the meaning of the phrase “falling in love” has changed over the years? Once, falling in love had been framed almost like an event — sudden, overwhelming, and a little out of your control. That’s why the verb to fall is so telling — the lack of control, the risk, the suddenness of it all.

Nowadays, we’ve built a whole vocabulary to delay that fall. Maybe because we fear the judgement of others, and maybe… even our own.

We’ve invented phrases like:

• I have a crush

• I like them

• I’m seeing someone

They all act as a buffer zone, while we still want the look across the room, the instant knowing, the electricity.

So we live in a contradiction — we live fast, but we label slowly.

Is love the feeling that will make us forget about all the disappointments? And can love slowly change somebody who doesn’t believe in its power?

I don’t know…

But there is certainly a glimmer of hope in this age of uninnocence.

Love.

Which leads me to wonder… maybe we stopped falling in love the moment we learned how hard it is to get back up. Or maybe we started calling the fall something else…

Until we’re sure it’s worth the landing.
And until we’re sure we stay in power…

An earlier version of this essay was originally published on I Couldn’t Help But Wonder on Medium. It now belongs to The Wonder Mag archive.

The Wonder Mag is an independent culture publication. It is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or connected to Sex and the City, HBO, Max, or Warner Bros. Discovery. References to television, film, and pop culture are used for commentary, criticism, and cultural analysis.

Originally written in May,

As summer approaches, the world of music is getting louder and louder.

Back in January, everything already looked mapped out. Tour announcements, ticket drops — a year of music was forming and taking shape.

However, now that we’re halfway through May, halfway through the year, more and more artists are announcing dates, extending tours, or returning to the stage entirely, and we’re left wondering:

What’s worth showing up for?

Which of these events, making people come together, will also make us vogue, strike a pose, move, and maybe, just maybe, remember why live music still matters?

With that in mind, here are the tours, residencies, and musical spectacles still worth your attention — and your money — before 2026 comes to an end.

ABBA — Voyage

@bostonglobeYou can dance, you can jive. It’s the spectacular almost-return of ABBA. The show, called ABBA Voyage, is thrilling. The avatars (let’s just get it over with and call them ABBAtars) that perform the 90-minute show, seven days a week, were created by 140 special effects wizards at George Lucas’s Industrial Light & Magic. For the full story head to Globe.com #ABBA #ABBAVoyage #SOS

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Although not an actual tour where you could see the artists performing in real life, ‘Voyage’ marks its fourth year in its base in London with dates throughout the entire year. The hologram experience backed by talented musicians promises to entertain the fans of the band with their greatest hits.

Ariana Grande — The Eternal Sunshine Tour

Announced after the release of the namesake album, ‘The Eternal Sunshine Tour’ marks Ariana Grande’s comeback to touring several years after the ‘Sweetener World Tour’ in 2019. Little is known about her upcoming trek aside from the dates and cities. The rest is mystery — we haven’t seen any parts of the setlist, nor have we seen almost any footage from the rehearsals, which means only one thing — something extraordinary is in the making.

Anastacia — Not That Kind: 25th Anniversary Tour

@sashveeee@Anastacia was actually one of my first ever concerts 20 years ago! 🥺 I took my mum tonight for her birthday 😌 #anastacia #notthatkindtour #imouttalove #london #thelondonpalladium #livemusic #concert #gig #professionalfangirl #girlinthepit

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After beginning in 2025, the ‘Not That Kind: 25th Anniversary Tour’ continues in 2026 with dates all around Europe. The global star Anastacia is expected to celebrate her artistry with her fans. Judging by the live album from last year’s tour, she is taking us on a walk through her biggest hits as well as her recent music.

Bad Bunny — Debí Tirar Más Fotos World Tour

@rubibarbaaBad bunny 29th show 😍 #badbunny #puertorico #puertorico🇵🇷 #choli #pr

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Following his successful residency in Puerto Rico and one of the most talked-about Super Bowl performances in recent years, Bad Bunny is continuing his ‘Debí Tirar Más Fotos World Tour’ in numerous countries in Europe, namely Spain, Portugal, Germany, France, the United Kingdom, and more.

Backstreet Boys — Into the Homecoming

@ros_the_dayLast Winter 2026 Show - Backstreet Boys - I Want It That Way 📍Sphere Update: more shows this July added. Make sure to register on Ticketmaster for presale. #backstreetboys #foryoupagе #bsb #vegas #sphere @Backstreet Boys

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Not exactly a tour, but after the final show of the namesake residency in Vegas, the iconic boyband is expected to settle in Dusseldorf, Germany, where they are set to perform their golden hits along with their new music for a two-week residency. Few things unite millennials faster than hearing ‘I Want It That Way’ live.

Bon Jovi — Forever Tour

@bonjovi100 days till the Forever Tour kicks off 🎤 Who’s joining us at the first show at MSG?

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With concerts in New York and the UK, Bon Jovi is promoting ‘Forever’, blending classic rock nostalgia with newer material.

Bruno Mars — The Romantic Tour

@loloonstagevideosBRUNO MARS - THE ROMANTIC TOUR • 21/06/2026 #brunomars #theromantictour #brunomarsconcert #concerttok

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The global icon has headed all over North America and Europe to promote his latest album — The Romantic. He is performing in some of the world’s biggest stadiums and the public interest in his music is so high that he has announced multiple dates in each city due to the overwhelming demand.

BTS — BTS World Tour

@luisitorufino970@BTS #Mic_Drop BTS WORLD TOUR 'ARIRANG' IN MEXICO CITY

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Having started in April 2026, the K-pop global giants are continuing with their performances until March 2027. With concerts across Asia, North and South America, and Europe, the band continues bringing its music to audiences across nearly every continent.

Celine Dion — Celine Dion Paris 2026

@celinedionParis…are you ready? Register for pre-sale access by April 2 at CelineDion.com

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The highly-anticipated comeback of one of the biggest icons in music, Celine Dion, is official. She is returning to the spotlight of Europe’s largest venue — Paris La Defense Arena — for her 2026 residency. Ten dates have been announced so far from September 12 to October 17.

Doja Cat — Tour Ma Vie World Tour

@tourma_vie@Doja Cat performing “woman” on her #tourmavie! Coming to the UK and Europe soon! 📍 #Tour #fyp #DojaCat #concert

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Doja Cat is continuing the promotion of her latest album ‘Vie’ with shows in North and South America, and Europe. The last performance will be held at Madison Square Garden in New York.

Eros Ramazzotti — 2026 — Una storia importante World Tour

@rikkebreer#erosramazzotti #royalarena 4/3 2026 🥰 @Eros Ramazzotti

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Fans of Italian Music will be pleased to hear Eros Ramazzotti’s one-of-a-kind voice as he embarks on his first in 7 years world tour. There will be shows across North and South America, and Europe.

INNA — Echoes Tour

@lumeryyYou’ll hear why she doesn’t need autotune🫂💗 @INNA #echoestour#inna#innaconcert#babygirl

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The Romanian pop icon returns to the stage with the second leg of the ECHOES Tour.

Olivia Dean — The Art of Loving Live

@concertbecca @concertbecca ♬ original sound - Becca 🎤 🎫 🎸

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Olivia Dean’s music became part of millions of people’s feeds on social media last year, and the artist’s popularity skyrocketed. Olivia is set to promote her latest album ‘The Art of Loving’ with the namesake tour and she has shows across Europe, North America and Australia.

Pitbull — I’m Back Tour

@livenation@Pitbull’s “I’m Back” Tour with @Lil Jon started in West Palm Beach tonight and the crowd showed UP!🔥 #Pitbull #LilJon

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Mr. Worldwide is performing across North America and Europe, while celebrating some of his biggest hits, and he’s promising us a very hot summer.

Pussycat Dolls — PCD Forever Tour

@pussycatdollsIt’s been awhile... Meet your new obsession: “Club Song.” She’s out everywhere now 💋 And soon we’re bringing her to the stage along with all of your favorite PCD songs. The PCD FOREVER TOUR lands in North America, the UK & Europe this summer and fall. Pre-sale March 18th - sign up at the link in bio. General on sale March 20th at 10am local.

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Pussycat Dolls reunited as a trio earlier this year and announced their third world tour. Nicole Scherzinger, Kimberly Wyatt and Ashley Roberts, all part of the original girl group, begin their trek in California and conclude in the UK. Apparently, early-2000s pop nostalgia is still going strong.

Ricky Martin — Ricky Martin Live 2026

@tutepowerRicky Martin en La Paz BCS! Concierto espectacular - Música, Baile y muchas emociones ————- #RickyMartin #LaPazBCS #bajacaliforniasur #Concierto #paratiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

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One of the best-selling Latin artists and a crush of millions of people, Ricky Martin is going to have a busy European summer. The icon is set to perform in Italy, Germany, Turkey, Serbia, Croatia, and more.

Rod Stewart — One Last Time Tour

@attachant_tvRod Stewart performing “Da Ya Think I’m Sexy?” live during the One More Time Tour 2025 @sirrodstewart #rodstewart #dayathinkimsexy #onemoretimetour #attachant_tv #MA❌IMILIAN

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The music legend is extending his farewell tour with more dates in North America and is about to perform in Europe. There’s something emotional about seeing icons revisit the songs that shaped entire generations.

Shakira — Las Mujeres Ya No Lloran World Tour

@dioserpretzel_Shakira - Loca (Live In Copacabana/RJ) #Shakira #LMYNL #LMYNLWorldTour

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After multiple shows in North America, the record-breaking tour by the Colombian artist, Shakira, is coming to Europe where Shakira will be performing for an entire month in Spain.

The Weeknd — After Hours Till Dawn Tour

@2_cadenazJust buy the tickets #theweeknd #theweekndconcert #hurryuptomorrow #xotwod #starboy #metlife #ahtdtour

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The artist is bringing his tour to Europe this summer. Among the countries where he is set to perform are the United Kingdom, Spain, Italy, France and Portugal.

Zayn — The Konnakol Tour

@zaynExcited to sing these new ones for you 🖤 KONNAKOL is out now! #newmusic

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Zayn Malik is about to embark on his biggest solo tour to date. Nine shows are set in the United Kingdom, Mexico, Chile, Argentina, Brazil and Peru.

And somehow, we’re still only halfway through the year…

Which means one thing — the soundtrack of 2026 would still have more surprises left.

An earlier version of this essay was originally published on I Couldn’t Help But Wonder on Medium. This version is now part of The Wonder Mag archive.

“Sometimes I will talk, sometimes I will sing, sometimes we will have fun, sometimes we will be sad. Hopefully there will be little sadness and more joy!” — says Semiramis Pekkan in one of her videos on YouTube.

Originally published in 2023.

Pekkan.

When you hear this surname in Turkey, it usually refers to two of the most iconic Turkish female performers ever. Ajda Pekkan and Semiramis Pekkan. Two sisters, two artists, two lives, two different kinds of glamour - and for me, two women who opened the door to Turkish music.

When people mention their names, you can see the love and the respect that fill their eyes.

Ajda and Semiramis Pekkan are two women that changed my life with their music. They are the ones that made me love with Turkish music. And that is why I called them “The Goddesses of Turkish Music”. And that is why I decided to pay homage to these incredible women with articles, dedicated to each of them.

And just like that… This first part belongs to Semiramis.

As I started listening to her music, I realized that I really wanted to get to know the person she is. I couldn’t help but wonder… how would I understand her interviews in Turkish? I know very, very little Turkish, and I’m really looking forward to mastering it when I move to Istanbul to study and live there in September, but obviously, it still isn’t September and my Turkish isn’t still good enough to understand her.

However, I found out that she has started uploading Q&A sessions on her official YouTube channel and every video has English captions. I felt such happiness when I discovered that and I watch every single video that’s being uploaded.

That’s also why most of the information that you’ll read here comes from Semiramis’s YouTube videos. Is there a more trustworthy source than Semiramis herself after all?

Semiramis Pekkan made her epic comeback this year at Haldun Dormen’s musical last year, after a long and needed break, and she made a promise in her first YouTube video that from now on she’ll be with us very often.

That’s how she actually re-released her iconic single ‘Bana Yalan Söylediler’ (‘They Lied to Me’) in two versions. I firstly discovered the remix and I remember that I played it at least 50 times that day.

I was fascinated to discover that initially she started out as an actress and it was exactly Haldun Dormen that discovered her talent. If it hadn’t been for him to see Pekkan’s potential, she would have never entered theatre. As a self-educated actress, she was really successful and achieving a lot in theatres in Ankara, but due to the hardships related to the low income, she felt obliged to quit playing in theatres:

“We were thinking of what we would have for dinner in the evening, there were times when I used to think about it. It was such a difficult time. That is how it was. I never thought of quitting theatre life, but I was obliged to quit.”

She turned to cinema after theatre and again she was successful, making 13–14 movies a year, but it was again the economic situation that led her on the way to music:

“The music offer came just at that time. Mr Ibrahim, the former owner of ‘Kervansaray’, told me to come over. He said: ‘Ms. Semiramis, I want you to sing at ‘Playboy Club’. He said he wanted me to be a rival to Ajda. I almost had a heart attack. It was like a joke.’

The money he offered her was enough to buy her first house and to live 4–5 years after that. But she had never sung before in her life. She immediately went to her sister, Ajda, to ask her what to do, who advised her to take the offer and to learn by heart a few songs. The other person that she met was again Haldun Dormen, who told her: “You can do it, sweetie.” With the support of these two people, the start of her musical career was set and a star was born!

Despite the desire of the journalists to set Semiramis and Ajda against each other, such thing never happened:

“I never wanted something like that. I decided to draw myself a completely different path. One of my decisions was to sing Turkish songs with a European orchestra. No one had done that before. It was a new experience. How could I be different? It was not possible for me to be a competitor of Ajda Pekkan — it was not possible then, it is also not possible today. We are two very different people. Two different talents, if I have any. I thought we had to have our two different ways back then. That is why the Turkish songs that I loved, which were the only ones I could sing those days, I decided to sing them with the orchestra. That is why nobody could compare me to someone — there was no place to compare. It was such a hit.”

Having only one month to prepare her performance at ‘Playboy Club’, the most elite nightclub at the time, she was so worried that:

“I was dying of fear so much that I bought my house from the advance given by Mr Ibrahim. The second thing I did was to buy a plane ticket to Italy. I decided to go to Rome. It was not clear why. At that time I knew neither Italian nor English properly. I wanted to escape. Probably I thought Italy seemed close by. I bought a one way ticket to Rome, I will never forget it. Can you imagine the degree of my fear.”

During her second ‘Playboy’ program she met her first husband, the journalist Ercüment Karacan, who was also the owner of ‘Milliyet’ newspaper. Meeting him, was the turning point in Semiramis’s life, as she says, because that’s when she fell in love for the first time. Out of her love for him, she decided that “it wouldn’t be right for a woman who is with someone like Ercüment to be on stage”. That was her own decision, unprovoked by no one else.

It was actually Ercüment himself that encouraged Semiramis to keep on recording and releasing music from 1969 to 1974.

Thus, she won several Golden Records and made songs that are still loved and relevant, touching the hearts of generations:

“What do I think now when I see they are listened to a lot? I am very happy, very proud. Being persistent is a good thing. It is very nice for me because I have only one son and one of the most important things for me is to leave good memories for him. I think I can do it. That is what I want to do today.”

After quitting music completely, she moved to London with her husband Ercüment. At that time she couldn’t speak English properly, but still she really wanted to start something new. That’s how she started a business in the fashion industry, setting out only with a single blouse and keeping in mind that fashion was something very close to her.

Opening her boutique in London, she had a partner, who knew 3 languages proficiently and at that time Semiramis started taking English speaking courses.

What’s incredibly interesting was that during this period, was that Semiramis herself brought many popular brands to Europe, including Versace.

“Versace used to make a brand called Genny. One day, as in every profession, there are such behind-the-scenes conversations, it was said that Versace, Genny’s designer, is doing something for himself. A new line, which we should definitely see. Of course, we went running. In Florence, there were shows at that time. There was a coat rack in a hotel room. We said where is Versace? They said here. Where? He was hiding behind the hangers. He was a very young and very shy boy. That is how we met him. And after that, I suppose he had already opened a couple of shops in the Far East. We walked together on the same path and Versace became Versace. Let’s say the first in Europe, if we consider England as Europe. I opened his first shop in Europe, yes.”

Semiramis opened Gianni Versace’s first shop in London, and he respected her so much that he also sent her his collections and asked her to wear all the pieces before the fashion shows.

“There was a big competition because I was also working with Gianfranco Ferre. He was a very good fashion designer, too. They would send the outfits before the fashion shows, but they wished that every single one of their pieces to be worn. I am not that kind of a person to be told what to do. And I have never worn them head to toe. Years later, Gianfranco Ferre said that he knew a lot of people in fashion, women who had jobs in fashion, but he did not know anyone like Semiramis because she never became a prisoner of any designer.”

What’s more — her style had been so unique and special that “Women’s Wear Daily” listed her along with Princess Diana in the top 10 of the 100 most stylish women in the world.

While living in UK, she’s been a mother to orphans, helping them graduate and sending them money. Thus, she changed their life for good, a change and gratitude that will always stay in the hearts of these children.

One of the worst events that marked her life, however, was the loss of her first son, the fruit of her love with Ercüment Karacan:

“May God forbid such a loss to any mother. One of the biggest losses in the world is the loss of a child for a mother. It is a very difficult period. To be able to overcome it and to overcome it healthily. I have dealt a lot with myself and researched a lot. And I think I pulled through it healthily. But of course it is something that you can never forget.”

“When someone’s pain is so fresh and someone comes and says to you, stop worrying, it will pass, it is impossible to understand. What is going to pass? A part of you is gone. It never passes. The pain of a mother losing her child never goes away, never. However, would you accept it? Would it be more comfortable to accept it over time? Yes, time is an important factor in understanding and going through some important moments.”

After a while and after the hardships of life, Ercüment and Semiramis put their marriage to an end:

“We were two people who loved each other very much. In other words, I do not believe that anyone in life loved me as much as Mr. Ercüment did. He loved me so much, and so did I. According to what I learned later, after these losses, serious losses, there are two ways ahead of us. One of them is to deal with the situation by embracing one another, the other is to break up. Unfortunately, we broke up. While I was dealing with everything in my own way, so was he doing, and we grew apart. We could not have known then what was wrong and what was right. But we parted very lovingly and in a great friendship. And may God have mercy on him, he was my best friend, he was my everything until he passed away.”

After divorcing her husband, she met the father of her second child whom she married. Being single for six months, she got 4 marriage proposals, but she preferred Mr Gulu Lalvani:

“Mr Gulu had also been married in the past and had two children. They are two beautiful children whom I feel like my own today. None of the others had a family yet. The reason I chose Mr. Gulu was because I thought he understood fatherhood and family better among those four people. And it is true, he is a very good father. I do not think I did wrong. I lost Emir (her first son), but he gave me Zoran (her second son).”

At that time, Ercüment wanted to meet Gulu, because he wanted to get to know the person that Semiramis was going to build a life with. Thus, the two men went to dinner together. After that, the first person that Semiramis phoned was Mr Ercüment, whose opinion was of great importance to her:

“He said: ‘My dear Semiramis, it is a very right decision, he is a very kind person. I can feel that. He is a very nice person but he has a lot to learn from you’. And he said: ‘All you have learned up until now’, that he had taught me, ‘you will be put in a position to give. But he is a very nice person, God willing, you will be very happy!’ And he told me to go ahead. How sweet!”

Gulu Lahvani, being a really successful businessman, was spending most of his time in Asia. Until then, Semiramis had lived in London, Los Angeles, spent a lot of time in France, but never in Asia. That’s how she started travelling to Hong Kong, China , Japan, Thailand, Singapore. During these years, she also gave birth to her son with Gulu.

And just like that, decades later, in 2022, at the age of 74, Semiramis put the beginning of a new chapter in her career in music:

“The reason why I took such a long break was to be able to spend time with my child. During my life with my first child, I did not have to work, but it was a period when I was working. Then I suffered a lot in my own heart, in my own soul, thinking I should have spent more time with him. Then, when I had my second child, may God give him a long life, I said never… It is my duty to raise this child. I am that kind of a person. And that is what I did.”

“For a long time, it never occurred to me to do something like this all over again. It never occurred to me. I say coincidence but… as you know nothing is a coincidence. It was a message sent to me from the universe, and I got that message. The reactions I got at the time I received it, those sincere articles, the articles sent to me were very, very touching. And I said, well, if I can, let’s do it. This came up at a very good period of my life.”

“I do not look at age. I do not look at life as age. Everyone, at any age can pursue everything they want, something they can do with love. It is that simple. So I said okay, since I received such a message, I am going ahead. Let’s see what will happen. Today, I return to myself, to do something with myself, to produce…”

For Semiramis, age does not have any significance and it is just a number:

“That is why I have never had a problem with age. I do not have a problem today, I also did not have yesterday. I was not upset for why I was young, I am not upset for why I am old. I am satisfied with myself. So if you love yourself, age does not matter.”

Working really hard and going every day to Moda, a beautiful and vivid district in Istanbul, to take singing lessons, Semiramis is excited to bring to light her upcoming projects that she describes as life-changing for her. And the first one — a remake of her iconic song ‘Nerdeysen’ (‘Wherever You Are’), a duet with Evrencan, is coming this Friday, 03.02.

I definitely cannot wait to see the new take on this favorite song of mine and to hear their mesmerizing voices, blending together beautifully.

And as Semiramis says in one of her last video — sometimes she’ll talk, sometimes she’ll sing, sometimes we’ll have fun, sometimes we’ll be sad.

You know how the last days of each December arrive with a slam from the universe to show us that whatever we have done in the year that’s coming to its end… now has to remain in the past. And you certainly know how each December, right before the new year knocks on the door, leaving an invisible trace in the snow, we get flooded with content on the topics of new year’s resolutions, fresh starts, and becoming greater versions of ourselves.

And as I was sitting at home (a.k.a. the Museum of Meltdowns) in Istanbul, in December 2025, reminiscing about the year that had almost passed and the lessons I had learned, I couldn’t help but wonder…

Do we ever pause and realistically take into consideration how our lives actually look before we try what reinvention feels like?

I kept writing in How to Make 2026 the Best Year by Mel Robbins, convinced I had the clarity required to welcome the new year feeling prepared, calm, and structured — as structured as I can be. I set goals that I had neglected in 2025. I set some necessary boundaries, both with some people around me and with myself.

And I waited.

Here’s what I’ve found so far, now in January.

1. Reinvention is not loud.
Until it is.
You don’t announce it, you live through it. It announces its arrival softly and sometimes you don’t even realize it’s come.

2. Starting anew is necessary because of you, not because others told you it’s time for a new beginning.

3. If you’re genuinely happy with your current life, you don’t need to start over. Maybe. Certainly?

4. You can’t start rebuilding if you’re still stuck in the old routines.

5. Old routines will try to devour you into their abyss, but this is the first reality check. Are your foundations strong enough?

6. Anyone can reinvent themselves at any age. Stop thinking of the numbers, think of the outcome.

7. It’s important to be realistic when it comes to your present. There may be things you want to escape (a job, a relationship, a city) but you still might need to keep them a little longer until you build something strong enough so you can leave.

8. Believing in yourself and avoiding self-guilt, can be lifesaving.

9. No one teaches us how to stand still without guilt. Standing still does not mean giving up. It means building a strategy that you can later implement.

10. I need to read self-development books now. I take what I need and release what I think should be released.

11. The universe doesn’t reward us instantly with peace, but with chaos. Thus, we see what our boundaries and limits are.

12. Am I doing everything right? What even is right?

13. Every day you do something new that’s bringing you closer to your goals is reinvention.

14. Becoming yourself doesn’t necessarily look like a glow-up. Sometimes it’s just pushing through survival until the next moment of freedom.

15. Waiting doesn’t magically save you, as much as you believe in magic.

16. Sometimes you will have to deal with some of your worst traits because they will reveal what they are.

17. The most uncomfortable moments are exactly the ones that show us what needs to change. They’re a sign that movement must happen. Discomfort arrives first, though.

18. A question struck me:
What if reinvention isn’t the actual moment we change, but the moment you admit the old life no longer fits?

Think about it. The moment you admit to yourself that the old life doesn’t serve you and that you need a way out can be considered reinvention, can’t it?

19. Rebirth starts when we have run out of ways to avoid ourselves.

20. Small wins are still wins. Tiny steps are still movement.

21. Learn your traumas. Look for them in the past. Usually, it’s an old version of ourselves that’s gripping us. Make peace with it.

22. It can’t be difficult, right? This is probably one of the most misleading questions you can ask yourself.

23. And when you realize how hard it is, you ask yourself… Can’t it just be easier?
It doesn’t need to be easier, it’s just different.

24. Trusting yourself is probably the best action you can take when you’re feeling low.

25. I didn’t deserve this to happen.

26. But tomorrow will be better.

And as I waited and experienced life in the last one month, these twenty-six thoughts crossed my mind and stayed with me. I realized something. Making the attempt to start changing your life means one thing.

You’re on the right path and you cannot go back. And I realized why.

Once you’ve tasted the fruit of rebirth, even just a little, you would want more of it. Maybe not right away, because you can get caught up in the old routines easily, but you will not go back to who you were.

My closest people know how hard 2025 was for me. I made mistakes, I lived in survival mode for almost a year, and yet… there was always a quiet voice calling out my name.

At one point, I turned to it and it said: you are meant for more.

There were hardships, there was drama, there was the heaviest downpour I’ve ever witnessed, there was the largest power outage I have experienced, exhaustion… and stories I’ll save for later.

If you have checked my publication, “I Couldn’t Help But Wonder”, under its title, there is a line: “and I kept asking.”

Ask. Give yourself permission to ask. Look for ways to improve your life. Give yourself some grace. Save yourself the meltdowns because life, in its own crazy, twisted, and silly way, always shows you that the best is yet to come.

And the bravest reinvention is allowing yourself to become a different version of yourself. Different from your past versions.

And if even one of these twenty-six thoughts stayed with you after reading this…
then rebirth has already begun.

This essay began as the first entry in a monthly series on reinvention. The series returns in June on The Wonder Mag.

An earlier version of this essay was originally published on I Couldn’t Help But Wonder on Medium. This version is now part of The Wonder Mag archive.

What falling for the wrong kind of mystery taught me about modern love.

On a cold night at the beginning of February, the unexpected happened.

I’m lying…

I had just returned to one of my worst patterns.

I was lying in bed in my Istanbul home — also known as the Museum of Meltdowns — with a notebook and pen beside me, staring at my phone as if it were a crystal ball holding the meaning of life. Well, for a hopeful (or hopeless) romantic like me, that phone could really feel that powerful, especially when I was in love.

And that was exactly the case.

I had fallen for a friend.

He was kind and intelligent, funny, and unavailable in the exact way my old wounds recognized instantly. The kind of unavailable that gave me just enough uncertainty to feel like home.

Now that it’s April — two months after that battlefield in my heart, and two months after starting the much-needed therapy that followed — I am revisiting the piece I wrote that night in February.

And all I can say is: thank God I started therapy.

Because rereading these pages reminds me how easy it is to turn waiting for one person’s text into a full-time job when you have forgotten the fact that your own life exists.

The strange part is that, back then, I thought I was doing well and that I had it all figured out.

I was getting back on Medium. I was creating more structure in my days. I believed I had figured things out. But when the backbone of your life is not yet strengthened, it is so easy to fall into the same traps of life again.

And again…

I had fallen for a friend.

Isn’t that how trouble always introduces itself?

A familiar face. Good old memories. The easy conversation. An unexpected kiss on the sofa after a night out. A few days and nights together. Enough adrenaline to awaken hope, and enough distance to keep me starving.

In other words, my nervous system was fascinated.

We spent time together. We slept together. We laughed together.

Then came the silences, the strange behavior, the delayed replies.

He came to my home once, and I cooked dinner for us. We made love, but he did not stay over. He left for his place alone, and something in me knew that something was off.

The lack of clarity.

The exact lack of clarity that can turn a grown man into a desperate French poet.

I couldn’t believe that someone I called a friend could avoid naming what had happened between us — what was happening between us — and refuse to bring the conversation into the light.

The worst part was that I was avoiding it too.

And just like that, I couldn’t help but wonder:

Why is it that some of us can survive heartbreak, betrayal, even failed engagements, yet still feel mortified by a text that doesn’t arrive?

I knew he was leaving Istanbul for a while, and I was craving clarity, craving to know where I stood.

At a certain point that night — that February night — half-heartbroken and half-humiliated, I threw myself onto the bed with a notebook and a pen, and I wrote what you’re about to read.

“What happens when you open your heart again after the worst betrayal you’ve survived?“ — I was referring to the collapse of my engagement failed - a betrayal that had left me questioning not only love, but my own ability to trust it again.

“Pain.

Unknown, dysregulating, suffocating pain.

You sit waiting for a text as if it would never come.
You try to stay hopeful.
You try to believe.

And yet… Nothing seems logical. Nothing even gives a point of meaning where you’re supposed to find air, warmth, and space to just be.

I didn’t even think I would ever fall in love again.

But one kiss, one friend, a shared moment of intimacy and passion were apparently enough to set my heart on fire, send me to the heavens, drag me back to earth, pull me through hell, and transcend me into the unknown.

I love deeply.

It’s not something I force. It just happens when the person is… right?

I have no more tears to cry.
I have no more strength to carry that burden.

I only have a heart that still somehow cares.

A heart I realized was still somehow capable of loving and craving someone.

A mind that will never rest until I am beside the person I am in love with, trying to prove I am worthy of their attention.

I’m asking myself what I’m gonna do. And it’s one of those moments that have grabbed me by the throat.

Will I ever be enough? Will I ever feel like enough?
Will I ever believe in a love that’s not chaotic and intense?
Why do I keep putting myself through so much pain?

I am waiting for a text from that boy. Something simple like:

“Do u wanna meet?”

And I’ll be there.

Not to get clarity, just for the high of the moment.
Not to have the serious talk my soul is waiting for, just to indulge into the heat of the moment.

And once I get the text, I’ll rise from the ashes like a powerful newborn phoenix until we separate, and then I’ll burst into flames just to disintegrate gracefully into ashes again, while waiting for the next message.

And the next high.

I don’t really know how to love someone while bracing myself.

I hope I’ll learn.

P.S. He texted.

How very cinematic of me, right?

After he texted, we did meet, but we didn’t have the talk.

We went out, and I hoped we would go back to his place, wake up in the morning together, and that I’d finally bring up the question — What are we now? — myself.

None of that happened. He went back to his place alone, and I walked myself home.

I don’t need to tell you how confused I felt. Most of us already know.

A few days later, I entered therapy for the first time in my life, and it was grounding. Therapy teaches you unromantic things very often, but you understand yourself and learn how to change. I’m learning so much about myself and the years of unprocessed trauma. I’m learning to recognize my emotions and register them.

I am learning to set boundaries.

And I have rarely felt happier.
Truly.

Looking back at that February version of me, I am shocked I was still even functioning at all. I was literally awaiting salvation that would come via a WhatsApp notification.

And yet I do not think that version of me was pathetic.

He was simply trying to love with tools built during years of survival mode. He was lonely.

Hopeful or hopeless.
Triggered.

But still trying and wishful to finally change. Otherwise, he would never have booked that first therapy appointment.

He was also brave enough to open his heart again after it had been broken before.

Had I known then what I know now, if I could only sit beside that boy in the Museum of Meltdowns, I would give him a pat on the shoulder and maybe, just maybe, I would whisper to him:

The message you are waiting for won’t give you oxygen.
You should be brave enough to bring up the hard conversation by yourself.
And actually, anyone who likes you should sound less confusing than this.

And dear readers, if what I shared with you could be called that was me then, then this is me now, is wanting to tell you this, in case you’re going through something similar:

If you’re waiting for someone to save your life, start by returning it to yourself. By yourself. You are enough. You are lovable. And love would never require you to shrink into waiting.

An earlier version of this essay was originally published on I Couldn’t Help But Wonder on Medium. This version is now part of The Wonder Mag archive.

If there is an art to inspiring an audience, a few names come immediately to mind — Madonna, Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears, Cher… Christina Aguilera.

My earliest memories of Christina are visual rather than factual, and they date back to the candy-colored world of ‘Candyman’ flickering on the television screen at my grandparents’ apartment when I was four or five years old. Years later, I would discover, again on a television screen, the neon confidence of “Your Body”, the beat of “Feel This Moment”, and… I just remember watching Xtina with fascination that was provoked by her voice, sense of fashion, and beauty.

And just like that, those two singles became my own embodiment of liberation and hope that I would go back to again and again at such a young age.

I returned to Aguilera’s music in 2018, with the release of ‘Liberation’. I was sixteen and I found not only an artist I liked when I was in my early teens, but one who had spent years turning power, sexuality, motherhood, pain, and forgiveness into art. And I stayed.

Since then, I’ve been following her career passionately and I’ve become the kind of fan who pays attention to every new release, event, show or tour she’s done.

For the relaunch of my weekly quote series on ‘I Couldn’t Help But Wonder’ which is built around reinvention, survival, confidence, and finding your voice in a world too loud, there couldn’t be a more fitting artist than Christina. Her words — much like her voice — are full of wisdom, force, and sometimes fragility, therefore, she is exactly the artist to remind us that we are allowed to speak, allowed to change, to desire, and to become a little louder in times that occasionally ask us to shrink.

On Voice and Storytelling

1.“The awards are beautiful and they’re much appreciated and I’m grateful, but it’s the storytelling and the connection with people that truly just… I could cry thinking about it… it means the most.”

2.“I made a promise to myself that I would use my voice and position for something deeper than just making records. Having grown up in an environment that was chaotic I realized that sharing my story was vital in helping others who may struggle to have a voice themselves. From then, I discovered that the messages, lessons, and stories of my songs are one of the greatest gifts I could offer.”

3.“I continue to listen to my heart and sing about things, sometimes painful things, that could help others. It means so much to me to grow together with my fans through the years!”

4.“I think that the best way you can get honesty across in your music, to connect and relate to people is to be motivated by personal emotions, stories and feelings.”

5.“When there’s no one else look inside yourself — like your oldest friend — just trust the voice within — then you’ll find the strength that will guide your way. You’ll learn to begin to trust the voice within.”

On Reinvention and Self-Authorship

6. “There’s such a rule book that’s handed to us and I was given it since I was very, very little, and the older I got, the more I realised — you’re either going to be a part of the problem or you’re gonna stand up against it and create your own story, and that’s what ‘Stripped’ was about.”

7. “Nothing is ever a setback. If anything, it just motivates you for what’s next.”

8. “You need to find the power within to make [things] happen for yourself. When you realize this, you are unstoppable.”

9. “I’m not a 9-to-5 woman who has the same kind of lifestyle for years on end. I couldn’t do it.”

10. “One of the things that I truly have had to learn… is to trust your own instincts no matter what people might say about you, no matter what criticism or what negativity might come your way for just being who you are, and just being yourself, it’s so important.”

On Pain, Forgiveness, and Healing

11. “As a mother, I want to be the strongest, healthiest version of myself for my children. I wrote “No Es Que Te Extrañe” to come full circle, accept, forgive, and be set free. Forgiveness begins when heartache turns into freedom.”

12. “I think it’s important to let go of things that hurt us so badly that we end up being held prisoner by them. So this is a song about that, it’s about forgiving and sort of wondering about someone that may have hurt you — but understanding that they might have a story as well, they might have things that led to certain choices.”

Before you continue, you can read more about “No Es Que Te Extrañe” here:

Christina Aguilera: It means so much to me to grow together with my fans!

13. “Time heals everything. Sometimes you have to go through that pain and heartbreak so that you can get to the other side and come out on top.”

14. “It’s important to recognize your own self-destructive behavior and be honest about it. You’re only hurting yourself or losing out on your truth and happiness. I’m not afraid to face my own personal stuff. It’s so important to dig it up and figure it out and move on.”

15. “A lot of people are afraid to face themselves, especially when something goes wrong. But that’s important because if something happens within a relationship, it could be how you’re allowing someone else to treat you.”

16. “Tune out and turn in. Take your space, log off, put your mind, body, and soul first.”

On Womanhood, Sexuality, and the Gaze

17. “Why is a woman’s sexuality always under so much scrutiny? Why can’t she do exactly what she pleases without being called a million things?”

18. “I think all of us as women have this super-human quality. We create life, we give life, we are the sources of life for our children — we’re all pretty bionic.”

19. “Growing up with the childhood that I had, I learned to never let a man make me feel helpless, and it also embedded a deep need in me to always stick up for women.”

20. “You can never be too much of anything. You can never be too perfect, too thin, too curvy, voluptuous, this, that. I’ve been on all sides of the spectrum as far as any female in this business…
…As long as I’m happy in my own skin, that’s all I need. I’m happy with where I’m at. I have a boyfriend that loves my body. I love my body. My son is healthy and happy. That’s all that matters.”

On Ambition, Vulnerability, and Becoming Softer Without Becoming Smaller

21. “The most vulnerable people have tough exteriors because they are very scared inside, and it’s very hard for people like that — people like me — to open up. But playing it safe means you stop being open to learning. I always try to find the challenges.”

22. “That overachieving, ambitious, nobody-can-hold-me-down attitude I had, which came from a place of anger and aggression, has transformed into feeling like I will take on the world, but I will do it with an embrace, rather than with my dukes up.”

23. “People expect me to cry, but I always laugh when things go wrong.”

24. “Everybody needs that one person that takes you to the right place to see all the positives in your life.”

25. “My first love was singing and I had no time for boys.”

26. “I’m a big micro manager; I’m a stickler about organisation; everything needs a place, a purpose, and micromanaging myself even when I’m in the studio.”

And now that you’ve just read these twenty-six pieces of wisdom from an artist who has relentlessly continued reinventing herself in all aspects of life, I couldn’t help but wonder…

Which one of the quotes resonated with you the most, and what is a lesson you are willing to carry throughout your day?

An earlier version of this essay was originally published on I Couldn’t Help But Wonder on Medium. This version is now part of The Wonder Mag archive.

When I first started listening to Madonna, I was still in my early childhood years, and I can remember my mother — an absolute Madonna fiend — standing in front of the enormous music collection displayed in her bedroom at my grandparents’ home, choosing a CD, inserting it into her stereo system, and introducing me to the art that would eventually become the soundtrack of my own life.

Back then, at the age of four or five — the earliest memories I can recall of Madonna — I could not understand a single word she was singing. I could enjoy some of the songs, especially Music, mostly because of its animated video, but it was not until I was sixteen that I began to understand Madonna not only as a pop star, but as an artist. Since then, I have followed each release of hers with passion and curiosity, and the particular kind of anticipation that comes with wondering what a woman who has reinvented herself for more than four decades will do next.

In 2019, when M released Madame X, I was enchanted by the socially charged, politically restless approach to what was going on in the world, and it convinced me that very few artists nowadays still have the will — or the nerve — to challenge the norms and break the status quo. It is as if we are living in an era where everything is overproduced, overmarketed, overtrended, and frankly over-same. So I was lucky to witness the unveiling of the entire Madame X era in real time, and I cherish it deeply, because its music helped shape the ending of my teenage years.

Last year, when I heard whispers that she was preparing a second part to Confessions on a Dance Floor, once again produced with the iconic Stuart Price, it was certain that we were about to witness yet another reinvention from the artist who changed the language of pop music with almost each major release.

Initially, the idea for this very piece was to be part of my weekly series of quotes by significant artists. However, with the release of Confessions II — The Film on YouTube, the idea needed a new doorway, because Madonna had just returned to the dance floor with a 13-minute-long visual that left viewers once again in awe of her creativity and artistry.

The film matters because, as she has done many times before, Madonna uses the visual form to reveal what is of utmost importance to her as an artist, what she pays attention to, and how she perceives this new era of her music. The movie is a symbolic reenactment consisting of several acts portraying how she is observed by the media constantly; the significance of letting go; winks at key moments from her career, the importance of her loved ones, and the strange intimacy between performance and survival.

Draped in stunning Dolce & Gabbana looks, and referencing key moments from her career, Madonna takes us on a wild ride through six songs from the upcoming Confessions II set for release on July 3.

The film opens with I Feel So Free, the first taste she shared from the album, before transporting us from a dimly lit apartment into a mystical forest to unveil Good for the Soul — a song that seems to celebrate the act of letting go of what no longer serves you. Is it just me, or do her outfit and hairstyle remind me of her opening act from The Re-Invention Tour?

Then in the next part of the movie where One Step Away begins, Madonna confronts the public opinion on the superficiality of dance music by saying that:

The dance floor is not just a place, it’s a threshold
A ritualistic space where movement replaces language.

And over the span of her over 40-year-long career she has made it clear that “music makes the people come together” not only through sound, but through performance, image, choreography, provocation, and her entire artistry. Not to mention that the community she has created around herself is one of the most loyal fan bases in pop culture, her legacy admired by all generations.

The film also features the lead single Bring Your Love, a duet with Sabrina Carpenter, where Madonna is wearing a rhinestone-embellished top from the FW 1991/1992 Dolce & Gabbana collection, and the track Danceteria, named after the legendary New York club where Madonna would perform Everybody for the first time and where she met her longtime friend Debi Mazar. In the Danceteria section there are numerous celebrity cameos honoring nightlife and memory, including Debi Mazar herself, Kate Moss, Benedict Cumberbatch, Richard E. Grant, Odessa A’zion, and Gwendoline Christie, Shygirl, Arca, and Honey Dijon, and performance artist-dancer Prince Lyons.

The film then continues with Read My Lips — a collaboration with Feid — personally among my top three favorites from what we have heard so far — before returning to the same dimly lit apartment from the beginning of the movie. There during the continuation of I Feel So Free, her daughter Lourdes Leon appears among masked camerawomen and unmasks her face. In that final moment, she is the only presence there that matters, ending the film with the command: “Cut, bitch!”

The excellence of this project lies in how in times when visuals, production, and artistic world-building (the so called ‘eras’ of an artist) feel secondary, Madonna releases a short musical film. According to her, a video nowadays feels too cheap, and this film not only promotes an album, but becomes one of her most remarkable projects to date. It again challenges the recently accepted norms of diminishing the importance of visual representation and reassures me that there can still be salvation for pop music, and music in general.

Instead of writing another thorough review though, each interpreting the film in the writer’s own way, I wanted to return to the language of Madonna herself — the lines, lyrics, and declarations that have made her career feel like one long act of self-authorship.

Divided into sections by lines from Confessions II — The Film, here are 26 Madonna quotes worth carrying into 2026.

The Dance Floor Is Not Just a Place, It’s a Threshold

1.“I’ve been popular and unpopular, successful and unsuccessful, loved and loathed, and I know how meaningless it all is. Therefore, I feel free to take whatever risks I want.”

2. “They call me the Queen of Pop. I know it’s a compliment, but the monarchy is in the past. I am not.”

3. “The most controversial thing I have ever done is to stick around.”

4. “My light will never fade. Not everyone is coming to the future, but I am. I’ll keep going today, tomorrow and the next 100 years.”

5. “Count my achievements, not the number of years I have lived on this planet.”

“Create a New Persona, a Different Identity”

6. “I’ve never gotten complacent. I’ve never gotten comfortable. I keep pushing myself into uncomfortable positions and taken risks. If you keep putting yourself in challenging, new adventurous situations, then you keep yourself alive and youthful.”

7. “No matter who you are, no matter what you did, no matter where you’ve come from, you can always change, become a better version of yourself.”

8. “I am the result of the good choices I’ve made and the bad choices.”

9. “To me, the whole process of being a brush stroke in someone else’s painting is a little difficult.”

10. “The world is full of people who talk the talk, but how many of us walk the walk?”

“Everyone Here Is a Work of Art”

11. “I’m tough, I’m ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a b*tch, okay.”

12. “A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That’s why they don’t get what they want.”

13. “I stand for freedom of expression, doing what you believe in, and going after your dreams.”

14. “In life there is no real safety, except self-belief.”

15. “Every time I do a show, I die a little bit, but no shit is worth doing unless you’re willing to die for it.”

16. “If your joy is derived from what society thinks of you, you’re always going to be disappointed.”

“You Cannot Break Me”

17. “Power is being told you’re not loved and not being destroyed by it.”

18. “To the doubters, to the nay-sayers, to everyone who gave me hell, and said I could not, that I would not, that I must not, your resistance made me stronger, made me push harder, made me the fighter that I am today.”

19. “Around 40 years ago, I came to New York City with nothing but 35$ and a pair of dance shoes. I told the taxi driver to take me to the centre of it all. He dropped me off at Times Square. I was 19 and terrified, but it was just the first step. I knew that someday with a lot of hard work, I’ll be known not just in New York City, but all over the world.”

20. “The censoring that’s going on in the world right now, that’s pretty frightening. No one’s allowed to speak their mind right now. No one’s allowed to say what they really think about things for fear of being cancelled, cancel culture. In cancel culture, disturbing the peace is probably an act of treason.”

21. “There are no living role models for me, because nobody does what I do. And that’s kind of scary. I can look back at women who I think were great and amazing — freedom fighters, like Simone de Beauvoir or Angela Davis — but they didn’t have kids. Being a single parent of six children, I continue to be creative and be an artist and be politically active, to have a voice, to do all the things that I do. So, I mean, there isn’t anybody in my position.”

“Shut Your Mouth, Read My Lips”

22. “Everybody loves you when they are about to cum.”

23. “Real intimacy has to be earned. Right now, especially with social media, giving us this illusion that we’re all connected and that we all have this instant connection to people, we have no connection to people. And Instagram is a lie. I mean, it’s fun, but as long as you accept it as fun, and that it’s not true.”

24. “We learn our lessons; we get hurt; we want revenge. Then we realize that actually, happiness and forgiving people is the best revenge.”

25. “All the challenges that I had to face 20 years ago seem ludicrous. What I am going through now is ageism, with people putting me down or giving me a hard time because I date younger men or do things that are considered to be only the domain of younger women. I mean, who made those rules? Who says? I’m going to keep fighting it. Ten to 20 years from now, it’s going to be normal. People are going to shut up.”

26. “I was lucky enough to experience life as an artist before the phone and Instagram and social media, because I did have that time to develop as an artist and a human without feeling the pressure of judgement of other people. I think Instagram is made to make you feel bad.”

And this is why Madonna is always relevant. She has continued to turn the industry, the backlash, the ageism, the ridicule into movement and into another version of herself.

Confessions II — The Film is a wake-up call to remind us that in Madonna’s world, the dance floor is the space where reinvention takes place, and where the body becomes language.

The lesson in 2026 is not to become less, that is never the lesson. Maybe, just maybe the lesson is to keep moving, keep evolving, keep disturbing the peace.

And, when necessary, cut the scene yourself.

I couldn’t help but wonder, which quote resonated with you the most?

An earlier version of this essay was originally published on I Couldn’t Help But Wonder on Medium. This version is now part of The Wonder Mag archive.

I spent years waiting for a different life, and then I accidentally started building one through repeated mornings.

It began, as most changes do, on an ordinary day a month ago. I woke up, spent some time staring at the little multicolored blocks on Google Calendar — chaos and hell lurking inside them while only pretending to be marking my teaching slots — dreaded the day ahead, ate breakfast, and came to my office.

I am kidding, I do not have an office.

What I have is a place that marked the beginning of my reinvention and homecoming to my true self — the media person eager to craft beautiful pieces about culture, music, art…

That version of myself was not always so difficult to locate. At nineteen, he was working as a reporter and video podcast host at one of the biggest media companies in Bulgaria. He was curious, ambitious, hungry for culture, and aware that his future belonged somewhere inside media, interviews, music, art, fashion, and the strange electric glamour of public life that he had already grown used to.

Then life happened. Or, more precisely, Istanbul happened. Love happened. Breakups. Rent. Teaching, because I couldn’t work as a journalist in Istanbul.

And that self, I buried accidentally somewhere between my first breakup and my permanent relocation to Istanbul. And thanks to the very practical obligation of paying for an adult life and the chaos of day-to-day survival, my weeks became filled with teaching English, more teaching, detesting teaching, wanting to escape teaching, and preaching how I wanted to return to television, return to writing, and, most importantly, return to myself.

Somewhere in this havoc, I would write personal essays, each of which became my ‘comeback’ to writing.

A comeback only until I went to bed past two in the morning again and woke up around noon to begin teaching again, or a comeback until I would get distracted by the next foreigner in Istanbul and disappear into his temporary orbit. A comeback until I found my next actual partner, got engaged at twenty-three, and then watched that imagined future collapse in a plot twist so vulgar and operatic that it deserved its own press release — which it got.

Unfortunately, my days last year were full of chaos, for which I blamed myself relentlessly.

Recently, I have started to wonder whether chaos felt so familiar because, for a while, I was mistaking it for freedom.

I had recently come out as a gay man and had moved to Istanbul. I was living alone, working constantly, falling in love recklessly, trying to survive financially, emotionally, and creatively. I felt frivolous, and that version of me accepted that maybe, just maybe, freedom meant chaos. Maybe it was supposed to look like late nights, cigarette smoke, missed mornings, beautiful strangers, overbooked calendars, and writing at the edge of exhaustion.

What I was not giving myself was space.

The space to just “tune out and tune in” — a line I had recently returned to while working on my Christina Aguilera quote piece — process what had happened to me, accept that teaching is temporarily funding my next chapter and start executing from where I was.

But unconsciously, chaos was still finding me, or perhaps it was actually me still finding chaos.

That day a month ago, after having had breakfast, I entered my office — the Atatürk Cultural Centre, one of the most marvellous places I have encountered. I ordered my usual hot chocolate with coffee at the café, then went inside the library, which in its purest essence is an excellent example of craftsmanship, with its wooden interiors, ceiling-high shelves and windows, and a remarkable collection of books on fashion, art, cinema, design, and culture.

I sat at my usual desk, opened my laptop, and stumbled upon the racing thoughts in my mind about how I could return to my actual identity.

I remarked on the fact that I was already doing way better than in March, considering I had started therapy in February. I was also back to writing consistently, but I was still craving more output, because I really do not associate myself with being a teacher. All that “could-a, would-a, should-a” you have just read regarding the year that had passed had also planted a seed of mistrust inside me, so I did not fully trust that what I was building was consistent.

The night before, I had watched The Devil Wears Prada 2, known as TDWP2 in Vogue, for the second time, so I was still feeling the lingering influence of its immaculate fashion-world energy, its sense of power and precision, and the impeccable performances of the actors.

Miranda Priestly’s spirit was still around me, and knowing her mythology has long been linked to Anna Wintour, I decided to explore Anna’s life more closely.

I opened the library catalogue on my laptop and searched for Vogue, hoping I would find some archival issues here. Instead, among the top results, there she was — Anna Wintour, smiling behind her iconic glasses.

It read “Anna”. Simply “Anna”.
That was it, I had found her biography, written by Amy Odell.

I took a photo of the call number and took a stroll around the shelves and floors to look for “Anna”. I found her sitting on a shelf on the third floor, I reached for her, and with the excitement of someone who had just discovered a key, I started reading the introduction.

“Of course she was wearing the sunglasses.”

I began reading the description of what happens to be the day following Donald Trump’s first election as president, and the reactions it had caused within Vogue’s ranks and the all-staff meeting that followed.

What got my attention, however, was:

“Anna started the day as usual. She rose by 5:00 a.m., exercised at 5:30 or 6:00 (depending on whether she played her twice weekly tennis or worked out with her trainer), sat for thirty minutes for professional hair and makeup, and was then chauffered to her office at 1 World Trade Center, where her three assistants and her usual breakfast — a whole-milk latte and a blueberry muffin from Starbucks, which would mostly go uneaten — were waiting for her.”

I was thrilled and immediately thought to myself: “‘Rose by 5:00 a.m.’ What a tempting thought”. I read a few more paragraphs, left the book on the shelf again with the promise to continue reading it every day, and returned to my seat.

I already knew that Kris Jenner, for example, wakes up at 4:30 a.m. every day and that waking up early is a habit that many successful people have. But still under the spell of TDWP2 and Miranda Priestly, somehow the idea really was tempting, and I started thinking about whether I could apply this routine to my life, too.

Maybe it was also because Anna Wintour made the idea feel less like productivity and more like authorship. I could sense that the reason behind her waking up so early isn’t just because “successful people wake up early”, but because she might like psychological control over the day. Mornings are quieter. She avoids reactive chaos. So I decided to try it out the following morning.

When my alarm rang at 5:00, I stood up, not fighting against it, but actually feeling the quiet pride of having achieved a small victory against the version of myself who always negotiated with the alarm.

I did yoga, which had already become part of my routine. I had breakfast. I got ready. Then I walked to the cultural centre, ordered my hot chocolate with coffee, waited for the library to open, and returned to the third floor, where Anna was sitting on the shelf.

Reading her biography became one of my morning rituals.

Around the same time, I subscribed to Vogue. That, too, became part of the ritual: hot chocolate with coffee, Vogue before the library, then Anna, then the work of the day.

It sounds small because most rituals do. That is their power.

My therapist has taught me a lot about structure recently. Not structure as punishment or the enemy of creativity, but structure as the environment that makes change possible.

It appears that if we look at change as a wave, then structure is the shore.

Motivation is a feeling. Discipline is a decision.

But structure is the habitat that makes decision-making and discipline simpler. Structure is built by rituals and habits, and it helps you take the next step. It reduces the number of negotiations and removes the drama from beginning all over again.

And the reason why rituals are key to building long-lasting structure is that rituals are signals to the nervous system saying: this is where we start, this is how we continue, this is where we return when everything else becomes too loud.

Examples of my rituals: the morning drink; the same table; the book on the third floor; the Vogue article before work; the notebook; the opening of the day before the day opens its mouth.

Rituals are small ceremonies of self-trust and repeated gestures through which you tell yourself:

I am choosing myself, I am coming back again. I am not waiting for inspiration to rescue me from disorder. I am in control.

Now I wake up at 5:00 a.m. every day. I do yoga, aim to arrive at the cultural centre by 7:45, have my hot chocolate with coffee, study Turkish, read Vogue, read Anna, and then begin the tasks of the day.

And something has shifted.

Flawlessness is impossible, of course, the structure sometimes still breaks in the evenings. I still get tired. I still have teaching slots. I still occasionally feel the gravitational pull of old chaos. But there is now a backbone where there used to be longing.

I am feeling better than ever, I am writing and publishing, because now ideas are constantly coming to my mind, and I actually execute them. I have set up a content calendar and I am already filling July. I am beginning to feel, with surprising calmness, that I will not be teaching forever, because I finally built a structure that allows another life to become possible.

Most importantly, thanks to my therapist, Anna Wintour, Miranda Priestly — all three powerful women, three Devils in their own way — I realized that there’s beauty, almost frightening beauty, in a life run with precision, clarity, image, standards, and ritual.

And there is the quiet realization that structure itself has not made my life smaller, but more glamorous.

For years, I thought glamour belonged to clothes, labels, cities, hotel lobbies, and expensive cafés. And perhaps, it does, in part. But lately, I have started to see glamour differently — there is power in a life lived with intention, in knowing where your morning begins, in the discipline of protecting your mind before the world starts asking for pieces of it. It is taste, but also timing; standards, but also repetition; beauty, but also boundaries.

Life finally has somewhere to place its dreams.

And maybe, just maybe, inspiration is what appears after you sit at the same table, open the same notebook, and prove to yourself — morning after morning — that you are coming back.

An earlier version of this essay was originally published on I Couldn’t Help But Wonder on Medium. This version is now part of The Wonder Mag archive.

Lights. Camera. Action. Disco balls. Glam. Beauty. Reinvention. Words we use to define almost every major pop star, but words that do not fully hold the meaning of being understood as a person, not as a celebrity.

Kylie Minogue is one of the few artists that truly let us come into their world the moment we hit ‘play’ on her documentary series Kylie, released a month ago on Netflix. Being a fiend and supporter of hers, since I was a child, especially after her album Golden, I felt as if she was confiding in me, as I was watching the Netflix series.

She opens the doors to a life, glamorous on the outside, but much more raw and vulnerable on the inside, and by doing so, she lets us feel her closer than before. It becomes clear that the docuseries will be much more than just biography, gold pants, reinventions and comebacks.

On the surface, the Netflix project has all the ingredients of the familiar pop-star story — a young woman who becomes famous quickly, gets dismissed too easily and early, tries to escape the image that made her famous, survives what nearly breaks her, and returns to the stage stronger and more beloved than before. The actual story, however, is not that simple.

As I was watching Kylie a month after its release, what stood out to me was that the series traces the cost of becoming an image before fully becoming yourself.

At nineteen, Kylie Minogue was already a public persona defined by labels — the girl from Neighbours, the soap-opera sweetheart, Jason Donovan’s girlfriend, and after having released The Loco-Motion and I Should Be So Lucky — a bright young pop star. The world fell in love with Kylie before Kylie herself had enough time to define what that name could or should hold.

She was adored, criticized, packaged, mocked, misunderstood — and all of this happened while she was still simply… becoming a person.

Watching the first episode, we see that the first image of Kylie the pop star was created at absurdly fast speed. She remembers arriving in London to record I Should Be So Lucky, with only a few hours to spare before flying back to Sydney. At the production company, she says, they had almost forgotten she was there.

The song was written and recorded in a rush — Kylie remembers forty minutes, her then-producer, Pete Waterman, stretches the memory to two and a half hours. A song created at such speed turned into a global hit and turned her into an image she would spend years trying to understand, define, defend, escape and eventually reclaim.

At the same time, she was still starring in the Australian soap opera Neighbours— the series that made her a household name in the UK and beyond. There, she starred opposite Jason Donovan who somewhere between the takes would become her boyfriend off-screen as well as on-screen. Eventually, she had to be written off the series, because of the greater dream she had carried since childhood — becoming a singer.

Following the immediate success of her first singles and the love of the audience, the media began attaching labels to her — soap opera star, pop singer — and when they could no longer fully contain what she was becoming, she was given the dismissive nickname ‘The Singing Budgie’.

It had been cruel and an attempt to put her in a box, which is what she detests the most, as we understand throughout the series. It appears that back in the 1980’s it had not been common to have a career in various industries, but instead you had to choose one to stick to.

If she was a soap star, she could not be a serious singer. If she was a pop singer, she could not be an actress. If she was sweet, she was supposed to remain sweet and uncomplicated.

Then came Michael Hutchence.

The INXS frontman appears in the documentary as one of the first people who seemed to have seen Kylie as unfinished in a good way. After she and Jason Donovan broke up, her relationship with Hutchence began, and with it came Kylie’s first reinvention.

Towards the end of the first episode, we watch her wear a pixie-styled wig to an event in the end of the 1980s, holding hands with her new boyfriend, dressed in an outfit that tells us something has begun to shift. The safe, golden Kylie is still visible, but another Kylie is starting to appear. As the episode comes to its end, Pete Waterman remembers that people were already “used to Kylie,” so they had to find something that was not Kylie.

During her relationship with Hutchence, Kylie felt she had the permission to explore herself — in terms of fashion, different visuals, different energy, vibes, and to understand who she actually is. Her sister, Dannii Minogue reflects on that period by saying, “In her world back then, confidence was just everything.” Kylie herself says she was never wearing blinkers, but if she had any, Michael took them all off. She enjoyed traveling with him and ‘experiencing many firsts’.

The most important thing we find out is that this first reinvention was not a marketing strategy, but one where a young woman was asking whether she could exist outside the version of herself that the world had already approved of, even if not fully approved of.

We see a more confident Kylie telling Waterman that she no longer wants to keep the same image as before, and even though he could understand she wants to experiment, reluctantly disapproves of the idea at first, because people want the Kylie they know and love.

Still, she embarks on her next tour, Let’s Get to It, with John Galliano designing the costumes and an all-new couture wardrobe. Kylie hits the stage wearing ruffled mini-skirts, a plastic raincoat, a fishnet-and-lingerie piece, while indulging into theatricality, exposure, play. Kylie is ready to claim her new updated persona replacing the one the public first embraced.

The media, however, did not miss the chance to do what it had already done before. It branded this new image as “SexKylie,” and just like that, “The Singing Budgie” flew out of the window.

A woman makes a move, and the world rushes to capture and caption her.

Kylie continues touring, but her relationship with Hutchence slowly begins to fade. Despite her efforts to protect the relationship, he ends it, becoming another ‘first’ for her — her first heartbreak.

The breakup leads her to another kind of escape. Kylie goes to Paris, stepping away from the machinery that had labeled and shaped her, and there she meets her friend — artist and director, Katerina Jebb. Together, Kylie begins exploring the distance and the difference between the public persona and the private persona. The photographs they take together allow her to differentiate the two identities, and identify what is still hers beneath all the labels she was given.

That is where the first reinvention flows into the second, as we come to realize Kylie was not just trying to become sexier, cooler, darker, or more fashionable, but instead she was trying to find space inside the image where she could breathe.

The old Kylie was still there, the audience wanted her, the industry needed her, and soon the second reinvention would be defined not just through fashion and attitude, but through music itself.

And it gets more complicated because escaping the image can become another image, too.

After her contract with Waterman’s label comes to an end, Kylie signs with Deconstruction. Smaller, but edgier. She knows she can experiment more. She dips into a different vocal delivery and different sounds. Her move to Deconstruction though is strategic for her because it shows her attempt to set a definition of ‘Kylie’ before the world would do so.

She tries to prove she is more than the old ‘versions’ of Kylie, more than ‘The Singing Budgie,’ more than ‘SexKylie,’ and she succeeds in complicating the image. But she risks becoming trapped by the opposite demand— be darker, indie, serious, credible, as Nick Cave, frontman of the rock band Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, says in the docuseries.

Nick becomes a key figure in this period, especially after their duet — the murder ballad Where The Wild Roses Grow. In the documentary, he describes their work and friendship as an ‘escape’ for both of them. He says Kylie was the force of change for him (considering he was labeled ‘The Australian nightmare’ by media), and equally, he was a force of change for her, too, as he reminisces she was a ‘prisoner of an image.’

Under his influence, Kylie Minogue begins writing her own lyrics, thus, having more creative input and control over her work. This leads to the album Impossible Princess which defines her experimental era. The release is again followed by enormous media criticism, putting her in a box, this time dismissed as “Indie Kylie,” “disappointing,” “irritating,” billboards saying “We’ve decided what to do with Kylie’s music. Don’t play it.” All too far from what the public expected her to be.

After Impossible Princess fails to meet commercial expectations, her time with Deconstruction comes to an end. At that point, surrounded by the noise of the outside world that she was never really number one, never really a pop star, never an influence, she is facing the possibility of having to return to her career in acting.

This period is also marked by Michael Hutchence’s death. In the series, Kylie reflects on how much he appreciated who she was, and how, with him, she felt valued, protected, nurtured, and believed in.

“He really didn’t want me to become someone else for him at all. He was encouraging me to discover me.”

Following Michael’s funeral, something pivotal happens — Cave invites Kylie to recite at what was called The Poetry Olympics — “two days and nights of continuous poetry” at the Royal Albert Hall. And there, in one of the most traditionally elitist artistic spaces, Kylie walks onstage to recite the lyrics of I Should Be So Lucky.

The audience recognizes the song. The room responds.

The old Kylie, the one she had been trying so hard to escape, suddenly fills the space again.

For Kylie, it becomes the moment she is “face-to-face” with her old self again. And Cave recalls it with striking honesty: no one willingly wants to be indie and Kylie is “a force” precisely because she can unite thousands of people through pop.

“The great beauty of pop music,” he says, “is that it is a joy machine”.

And maybe the old Kylie was never the enemy of Kylie the person, maybe the enemy was all of the shame that was attached to the public persona, and “being put in a box”. This is where the power of her reinventions lies — she never wants to become one fixed thing. She wants to be fluid and free to follow the creative force behind her machinery wherever that force needs to go.

With that realization, she returns to pop with the distinction that the genre was never what made her small, but the way other people treated her fueled her need to reinvent.

Her new goal is to do “mega pop” and with Spinning Around, the documentary presents Kylie as someone reentering the pop industry differently. It is like ‘back to basics’ but empowered by creativity and wisdom.

In Kylie’s own terminology coming back has its own meaning, too:

“The irony is ‘Kylie’ does mean boomerang,” she says. “I do my best to come back.”

After the massive success of Spinning Around, the iconic gold pants — which had been in Kylie’s possession long before the video, tucked away at the back of a drawer before being resurrected — become part of her mythology. The glamour the smile, the confidence carry the same meaning, too.

Then with the release of Can’t Get You Out of My Head, Kylie realizes that:

“For the first time, I wasn’t trying to be someone else.”

This is essential because it shows the determination behind her new eras — she does not need to escape the image, she knows how to control it and reshape it on her own terms. And this is the exact place where the old Kylie and the new Kylie stop fighting each other.

But just when she seems to have found a version of pop that belongs to her and has reclaimed her number ones on the charts, life interrupts her performance in the most brutal way by returning her glamorous image to the body beneath it.

Embarking on a world tour and announced to headline Glastonbury, Kylie discovers a lump in her breast. At the time, she is in London so she goes to a hospital to have it checked. Doctors first tell her it is fine, but she continues to experience fatigue, wondering she is too old to keep doing this. It has nothing to do with age and following her return to Australia and her worsening symptoms, she goes for another screening where concerns begin to emerge.

After biopsies, she is given the news she has breast cancer.

“Nothing felt real,” she says, “and yet it couldn’t be more real.”

Here, the significance of Kylie’s family comes into focus — her parents call her sister Dannii to explain the urgency of the situation. Dannii at the time is in London and immediately has to return to Australia. Because it is a 26-hour flight, by the time she lands in Sydney, she is ‘welcomed’ by the press, already informed of Kylie’s diagnosis. Kylie had let the media know what was happening despite ‘needing stillness,’ because she ‘felt pressured to do so’ due to having to postpone her tour and having to cancel Glastonbury.

For years, the public had consumed Kylie as an image — her whole essence had been styled, photographed, toured, desired, criticized, adored, but now it suddenly returned to vulnerability. And even in that critical moment, the media wanted access.

The most private part of her life became public before she could even process what was happening. Reporters knew where she would have the lump removed, and according to the docuseries, members of the medical team were offered large amounts of money to take photographs of Kylie inside the hospital.

Following the surgery, she decides to go to Paris for her treatment. She is followed by her mom.

“I needed her now more than ever,” Kylie says.

What follows are months of pain and darkness:

“I felt removed from my body. Removed from the world. And the mind goes to really dark places,” she remembers.

Dannii does not leave her sister’s side either. Working in London, she would often travel to Paris to help with however she can. Eventually, she discovers that the most useful way to be present was to play music, the way they had when they were children:

“I thought about what had always kept us together,” Dannii says. “Okay, I’ll play music. That went back to what we knew. Back to the beginning. That feeling of being around the record player again. That feeling of family.’

It was again music that kept them going. And one night, in the hospital, Kylie sees the Eiffel Tower sparkling through a small window as if it was sparkling for her:

“There was one little window, and through [it], the Eiffel Tower started sparkling. And I was like, I’m not finished. This is not where I say goodbye.”

Soon, after recovery and after being told she was cancer-free, Kylie begins making public appearances again, slowly returning to the spotlight.

Her diagnosis and her path give rise to what becomes known as “The Kylie effect”, with more women going for screenings after hearing her story. She becomes a survivor and, in her own way, an activist.

But the documentary also makes clear that survival came with a cost.

Cancer did not only interrupt her tour, but also possible futures, including becoming a mother. Kylie postponed chemotherapy to try IVF, a significant risk, but her dream to have a baby had been stronger. All the attempts were unsuccessful and although she was vocal about the challenges she had gone through, the media asked insensitive questions about whether she had considered motherhood or marriage earlier.

At one point, Kylie writes a song about what could have been, a song to an unborn child and she sings it in the documentary. Some losses are unlived lives we learn.

In 2006, fans were still holding on to tickets from the cancelled tour, and Kylie begins preparing to resume it. Calling it Showgirl: Homecoming Tour she sets dates in Australia and the United Kingdom. Although she describes herself as “not being as strong and as fit as before,” she pushes through the physical obstacles and when it got too hard she would read letters that her fans were sending her, one of which reads:

“If you ever get scared, just know that in every single second of every single day, one of your fans is thinking of you”.

And that is how Kylie concludes:

“Life makes sense to me on stage.”

We see the tour opening, the crowds, and then the documentary moves thirteen years forward. In 2019, Kylie is again announced to headline Glastonbury which is not only a career milestone or a dream come true, but a dream returning years after it was taken away. And this time, she is more than ready to take the stage, and turn on the joy machine that her pop music has become, facing an audience of two hundred thousand people.

In the final minutes of the series, we become Kylie’s confidants as she shares the story she had kept to herself. During a recording session, she delivers an acoustic performance of her song Story.

The first lyrics are:

“I had a secret that I kept to myself,
I had a one-way ticket that was going nowhere.”

Through tears, she shares with her team, and with us, that she had been diagnosed with cancer again in 2021, and that she became a “shell of a person.” In 2005, the story became public quickly because the tour, the press, and the whole machinery made privacy impossible. This time, she keeps the second diagnosis private, and thus, she owns the timing of the story. After treatment and recovery, while promoting her 2023 album Tension, she had the opportunity to reveal what had happened, but she never felt it was the right moment.

And this brings us to the final shift — in her past, being loved came before being understood by the audience and even by herself. Being public happened before being private. But now she decides when the public gets access, making this the final act of self-definition.

Following the success of Padam Padam, a Grammy award, two albums, a world tour in 2025, Kylie Minogue stands as a woman who has lived long enough inside the image to decide what that image means.

By the end, Kylie becomes much more than a documentary about a pop star and it can be seen as an example of what it means to be made public before you are ready and have your image loved before the person behind it is understood. It can rank among the best documentary series about celebrities — the production, the intimacy, the vulnerability, the laughs we share with her, the tears we cry together…

They all bring us closer to a superstar who is just a human beneath the glam, the makeup, and the spotlights. And the documentary does not ask us to admire Kylie because she has kept reinventing herself for decades, it reminds us that there is a cost of being turned into an image, but there is also a force that drives you to determining what that image means to you.

Towards the end of the docuseries, Kylie gives pop one of its most generous definitions:

“Pop music nurtures me. Pop can elate you. If you’re depressed, it can soothe you. It can be a type of salvation for some people.”

Then comes the line that feels like the whole documentary exhaling:

“My story continues. And you are a part of my story.”

But perhaps the real power of Kylie is that, by the time she says it, the story finally belongs to her. Not to the critics, not to the tabloids, not to the industry, not to illness, not to the first version of Kylie the world decided to love.

To her.

Kylie is now streaming on Netflix.

An earlier version of this essay was originally published on I Couldn’t Help But Wonder on Medium. This version is now part of The Wonder Mag archive.